It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Ed

*Sequel to The Untold Story of Alice.*

Ed

Some one once told me that not arguing in a relationship represents a lack of interest and people who care about each other tend to argue more regularly. What a pile of shit. 

It all started in one spot: under a tree. Then everything, four years later, turned to rubbish. It just wasn't enough for her.

Yet, five months later, I show I'm over her. I smile a lot more, even though I'm aching. I sign a lot more autographs, even though I dread every second of it. I flirt with a ton of girls, even though it's all an act. And, of all things I've done, I don't talk about her. 

I go over what I could have done. What I could have said to bring her back after that. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't force myself to try and save us after the things she's done. Hell, she's having another guys' baby. 

When I was her boyfriend, or whatever I was, I was fantastic, but she never saw that in me. I did everything any girl would have dreamed of or any fairytale would have included. At least that was how I saw it. Some kind of wonderful you see in movies and books, things that never seemed to happen in real life. That was Alice's and my love.

If she stared at my mouth, I would kiss her. If she started cursing at me and acting tough, I would kiss her and tell her, 'I love you.' When she was quieter than normal, I would ask, 'What's wrong?' When she'd ignore me, I would give her my attention. (Isn't that what she wanted anyway. Was to have attention and to be noticed?)

When she'd pull away, I would pull her back. Never wanting the moment to end. When I saw her at her worst, I'd always tell her she was amazing and beautiful. Hell, wasn't that what the entire Little Things song about?

What about when she cried? I'd always hold her and listen or not say anything at all. I just wanted her to be okay. After all of those things we went through together, you'd think I would have left sooner or we'd be over sooner. No, I just sheltered her. Trying my hardest to make her feel better.

Whenever I saw her walking, I would sneak up and hug her waist from behind. When she was  scared(even if it was funny,) I would protect her. When she'd steal my favorite hoodie, I would let her keep it and sleep with it for the night. When she'd tease me about my hair or freckles or facial hair, I'd  tease her back and make her laugh. The way she laughed, that's what I miss. 

When she said she loved me, I would always say it back. Or when she'd grab my hands, I would hold hers and play with her fingers. No matter how sweaty our hands got together, I never let go. 

 When she'd tell me a secret, I would keep it safe and untold. When she'd look at me in my eyes, I wouldn't look away until she did. When she was mad, I would hug her a little tighter and not let go or help her let it out by having her yell at me. Egging on her screams.

'Cause she was all that mattered to me. That's why I would watch her favorite movie(Shrek) or her favorites show with her, not to mention give her the world. I always showed her how much I loved her. Or how I'd let her wear my clothes.  Let her know she was important too. 'Cause I loved her, but you could tell it wasn't a two-way street for us. I was the only one who loved.  

I wish I could have tried to keep her here, with me. I wish I could have raised the baby as my own. Yet, I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Especially whoever the father was. And from this day, I still wonder who she had cheated on me with. 

I haven't called her or even spoken to her since that day. Since the day where she told me she was pregnant. I had watched her get on the bus and then turned and walked away. I walked back to my flat, glad she wasn't there and grabbed my keys. I got in my car and drove to my parents' house.