It's a love/hate Relationship (sequel) After Amnesia

28. Starving

Caitlyn's P.O.V

It was currently 8pm..or at least that's what my clock said a while ago. I'm still sitting against the wall processing everything. Although I feel the sadness in me, it's like I haven't fully processed everything. I can feel my insides egging for food- but i've lost my appetite. 
Ashton tried but failed to cheer me up. Luke would come in giving me crackers and cuddles but soon enough he would get frustrated that I was just sitting there and would leave. Niall and Mikey would come in but gave up too. The only person that got me to even make eye contact was Mickey-but that was all I could handle. It was really dark in my room, I could barely see. I decided to finally get up from the floor, but Harry would be home soon and it's late so he's probably want to sleep-but if I were in the bed he would find an excuse not to...so I dragged my numb feet to the couch where I repetitively tried sleeping but couldn't-his words kept ringing in my ears, Images of him with Nadine rushing in my mind, it was nearly Impossible to even contemplate sleeping, so I just lay there staring at my lonely hands as I nestled on the couch. After what felt like hours on constant day-nightmares, the keys in the dorm rumbled as I quickly pretended to sleep. I heard footsteps enter the door and the keys drop on the counter. So only enough someone spoke.
"I had a great time tonight.."
"Me too,Hazza" a literal dagger cut off my breathing ability in that moment. It was her, she was in my house..with him
"Do you mind if I stay here tonight"
"Not at all, I was actually counting on it..but excuse my annoying ex girlfriend she might be around."
"No worries, as long as your not together anymore."
"Oh no no, it's over- I have nothing to do with her thank God" Caitlyn, don't start crying, please dolt cry. Because he will hear you and the embarrassment is enough already without him seeing you. Stay strong- at least till they leave.
"Omg, isn't that her sleeping on the couch.."
"Yeah, but don't worry she'll probably stay there all night anyways. Now where were we?" Suddenly everything was quiet, which terrified me. I heard small shuffles farther an farther until I heard a door close. I wanted to finally let it all out but my body didn't have the energy to cry anymore, my bones ached for food, I could barely see and I'm pretty sure I looked like a dead possum. I didn't know what to do with myself I just wanted to run far away from everyone and everything but I had no where I go nor the strength to get there. All I could do was lay down on this couch and block out everything. Try my hardest to fall asleep, hopefully not waking up until all this pain goes away, and my hurting Is healed. I could feel my tired bloodshot eyes slowly drifting closed as the screams inside me quieted enough to let me slumber....
*****
I woke up pretty early, it read 9 am on the clock next to the couch. I tried sitting up but I physically couldn't, and I was starving, yet I wasn't hungry.
"Good morning C, why did you sleep on the couch. You should've woken me up slept with me."
"thanks Mikey but, I didn't really think about that. Last night wasn't fun" he rushed over lifting me and laying me down on his lap as he sat on the couch.
"Babe, what's wrong."
"Take a guess.."
"Oh..right..I'm sorry Cay but you look terrible are you sure your not sick? You literally look like your dying."
"Feels like it"
"Okay this is ridiculous! I'm making you waffles right now"
"No thanks, not hungry"
"When was your last meal?"
"I don't know" ironically I chuckled. He was slowly petting my hair making me feel better.
"Mikey, do you remember back in year 12, how we dated for some time?"
"Oh my God your right..that was weird"
"Yeah, but..was I a bad girlfriend?"
"Oh no, you were great babe" he laughed.
"You don't look to great now though, are you sure your okay??"
"Yeah, I'm actually not hungry."
"Alright then, I guess I'll be in my room if you need me I'll be there, please C truly I'm here for you.." He kissed my forehead walking away. Soon enough I heard a door open as I assumed fake sleeping position. I could hear voices coming closer.
"That was amazing..best sleep I've had in years" she crowed.
"Tell me about it" ouch.
"Thanks for having me, see you Friday?" He chuckled.
"I hope so" I could hear their sloppy kisses as she walked out the door. To be honest I feel like my heart was becoming immune to these things, I just didn't feel anything anymore. I don't think harry saw me as he went and sat on the couch beside me. Soon enough I decided I had enough and want to go sleep in my own bed......but I can't, it's contaminated now, I could never sleep on that bed ever again. So I guess this couch will have to do. My hunger and need to have blood flow around my body became too much and I needed to get up. As I faked my waking up I heard Harry jump in the couch next to mine. I opened my eyes as far as I could I saw his ruffled hair,  clothes un-done..strangely enough I didn't feel anything to the sight.
"Caitlyn. I didn't know you were here"
"Yeah yeah, have you seen Michael"
"Good morning to you too" he scoffed.
"Whatever" I forever myself to sit up as I could feel the blood rush to my feet.
"Whoa..you look terrible" he looked at me with such disgust and horror.
"You look like you had a fun night.." He smiled.
"As a matter of fact I did"
"And did you expect me to feel jealous? Did you expect that to hurt me in any way?"
"No..but it's a bonus"
"Well hate to burst your bubble but your not my boyfriend anymore, so I don't care if your a whore or not" for the first time in days I fully stand up as I have trouble keeping my balance. "You can't even stand up straight" my stomach rumbling forcefully.
"Well some of us..ow whatever I don't have the energy to finish this conversation"
"Good, I didn't really wanna talk to you anyways" ouch. With that said I walked over to Mickey's room, slowly, but I did it. She was lying in bed with Luke cuddling, they were such a happy couple. wtf happened to mine. 
"OHMY TUMBLR! YOUR STILL ALIVE!" Mickey said rushing over to me hugging me.
"I feel a bit better" correction, I don't feel anything at all. But that's better than being all depressed.
"I'm glad to hear it" days like engulfing me in a big hug.
"Can I use your shower?"
"Sure? What can't you use yours may I ask?"
"That whole room has been infected" They seemed to know exactly what I meant.
"Yeah, I could hear the nosies" Mickey slapped his arm.
"Ouch, your welcome to anything in this room C- plus you need one. You look like you died and came back to life" my first laugh in days, and it was genuine. I stepped in the shower, the warm water bringing back the pigment in my skin, I could feel again, I wasn't numb in my hands and feet, as if the water was washing away all my worries. I felt the air in lungs once more as I could feel my head clearing. Every droplet as if soothing the sadness. My mind was clear and I knew now that I should try my best to move in in life and not just drown in my own sorrows. I felt relieved, I felt alright. I genuinely felt okay, despite Harry sleeping with another girl..I could feel better. I stepped out of the shower, finally changing my clothes and blow drying my hair, applying my makeup. I looked normal again, still dying if hinder but I looked normal- in fact I looked really good. My eyes were bright, myopia plump and loucisly red and my hair flawless- I looked like me...and after what feels like a million years later, I felt like me. I stepped outside met by smiles.
"You feel better?"
"Better than better, I feel great!"
"You look great!"
"I know!" I laughed.
"There she is..I was starting to get worried. Now are you ready to talk?"
"Yes..actually I am. But there's someone I need to talk to first. I'll meet you on the roof in 30?"
"Of course, I love you Cay"
"Love you too M" she hugged me, I finally hugged her back. I felt okay, and I was ready to talk but I needed to see him first, I need to talk to him. This will be my first time outside this dorm, and I think I'm ready to feel the sun on my skin again.