It's a love/hate Relationship (sequel) After Amnesia

43. Don't Deserve You

Mickey's P.O.V

It was time to go to sleep which I dreaded. This would be the second night I slept in the same bed as Luke- the first time after what he did. I walk in where I see Luke sitting at the head of the bed with his knees to his head and his head hanging down. I wanted to ask him what was wrong and hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but then again I wanted to see him suffer and be in pain for what he did to me. I sit down next to him on the bed afraid of moving a muscle but I decided to break the silence. It was time I let him know exactly where I stood with him.
"do you feel like shit?"
"Physically..mentally.."
"Good, you deserve it"
"And you deserve everything I did to you Michelle, I'm glad we had this conversation!" He said.
"But you know what you didn't deserve?"
"What"
"You didn't deserve whatever it was I did to you to make you hate me, I still don't exactly know what that is but, I know you didn't deserve it. You were a great boyfriend and I truly appreciated everything we had together. So whatever it was I did to you..you didn't deserve it" he finally looked up at me, tear tracks aligning his face, red bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks.
"Thank you, that means a lot"
"But-you do deserve everything coming to you..because you say I've changed but so have you. The second you walked away from me you became a shell of an excuse for a man. So I'm not sorry for whatever comes your way now- Because that you deserve" he scoffs angrily at me as I get up with a pillow and a blanket and sleep on the couch. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of my presence for him to torture me any longer. As I lay on the couch I open my photo gallery and just begin to scroll through thousands and thousands of pictures. I see every date, every Netflix marathon, everything Luke and I went through caught in picture frames. But a certain picture catches my eye. It was dated two months ago, a selfie Luke and I took in a date. He had his arm around me and I had a big smile on my face..but his smile looked so un genuine, he didn't look Happy. In a strange way my hardened shell became weaker at the sight, as if I felt Pit for him. I couldn't look at it any longer as I swiped right some more until another picture came up. It was a picture of my birthday- breakfast before the whole Coronation of Harry the narwhal king and all. It was all of us, together. Michael with his kiss the com apron, Niall pinching my cheeks, Ashton laying in my lap like a baby, harry kissing my cheek in the left, Caitlyn on the right as I sat on Luke's lap, his arms wrapped around me. It was so familiar, like an old movie you haven't seen in years. Why was I doing this to my friends..they love me so much..they don't deserve any of this. Luke, yes he deserves everything. But Caitlyn...my C, my H, my Ash, my Nini, my Mikey..I've been such a monster towards them. I'm just scared to let myself feel again, I might not be string enough to build back up. All I know is that staring at these pictures any longer is a terrible idea. I just need to close my eyes and go to sleep. Praying that I could jut wake up tomorrow and everything would be okay...