It's a love/hate Relationship (sequel) After Amnesia

42. Alone

Mickey's P.O.V

I'm sitting at the dorm benches trying to clear my head- an impossible task that's constantly interrupted by so many images. I have images of Luke and I back in high school, alone at the house, prom..then I have images of fights..and him breaking up with me...and him with her..and that night. Suddenly my arm begins to itch. I walk down to the down stairs dorm building bathroom in the 3 stall to the left, where I keep my only faithful friend.
I lift the toiled lid, revealing the sharp object beneath it. I hover over my left wrist as I list everything wrong in my life..my dysfunctional friends, in successful love, traumatizing parents..when I have I won in life? I drag the razor over my arm twice, both deep cuts, both equally just as painful.
I wash off and walk but up to the dorm, I hear low arguing- something that's become very common in this dorm.
I walk in as all conversation ends, I reach over the counter for an apple as I sit at the table to eat it, everyone carefully watching me.
"Do you mind..your staring"
"Mickey..we just want you to talk to us"
"And I just want you all to stop being to irritating and move on with your lives, if you have any. Seems to me your just bored because you have nothing to do In life but bother me" Ashton heavily breathes out sitting front of me.
"Listen, I am your brother and I love you. But you are not gonna accomplish anything in life if you keep being a bitch. So get over yourself" he angrily walked away to his room.
"What's his problem.." I say taking another bite of my apple.
"What's his pro- what's your problem?"
"My problem is that there are 5 retards ruining my apple time, so I'm just gonna go now" I start toward my room as Caitlyn forcefully pushes me on to the couch.
"This retard is done being nice, now either you talk to us or you talk to us" I roll my eyes and take another bite of my apple.
"Forget it, she's not worth trying.
I give up" Michael says leaving.
"And then there were three!" I joke.
"No I'm staying, I'm not giving up on you your my best Friend. Which means by law of the universe your forced to talk to me"
"Get it through your head Caitlyn we aren't friend, I don't need nor want you around so just go away!" I say pushing her off the couch. Her hurt expression breaks my heart as I see the way she looks at me.
"You know you complain about always getting left but I can see why. It's not anybody's fault but your" she says walking away as Harry starts to follow.
"See that, once I walk away your going to be completely alone. STOP! Stop pushing people away because your just going to end up alone- for good" he said going to support Caitlyn. Soon enough it gets dark as I realize I've Ben sitting in the couch staring at the floor for three hours. Suddenly the stench of alcohol strengthens in the room as I ragged up Luke comes forcefully into the living room.
"you look ridiculous, how much have you drank?"
"I stopped counting at 6" he chuckled. 
"Congrats you've officially hit rock bottom" he chuckled at me.
"At least I don't look like I got hit by a bus full of rabid animals"
"Trust me..you do"
"Whatever, fuck off Mickey" it was tragic the way he used to say my name..compared to the way he says it now. He walks away back to the room as Caitlyn walks out hesitantly, disturbed by our negative atmosphere.
She sat down far from me but close enough to judge me with her bitter eyes.
"Are you ready to talk, are you done being a bitch"
"Are you some being a pain in the ass?"
"Okay..your still a bitch."
"And your still a pain in the ass! Gold star for Caitlyn she comprehends basic life skills!!"
"Damn it Mickey would you just stop with the act! I know you! Better than you know you! I know that underneath this cruel hard cold exterior is a broken girl who is just begging to be healed. Let me help you, let us help you"
"You act like I'm some drug addict. I'm fine Caitlyn I don't need your help. You should be more worried about the drunk Ass wipe practically half dead in my room. " she breathed out heavily and angrily, getting up closer and wrapping her arms around me. I didn't hug her back but I sure as hell wanted to..I wanted to feel her warmth and hear her tell me everything was going to be okay, but I can't I have to keep myself strong, keep my guard up.
She let go as she grabbed my hands, you could tell the difference between hers and mine. She had love back In her life, they were warm and energetic. I had nothing left in my life, mine were cold and lifeless just like my bones.
"Mickey..I know that deep down that scared little girl is screaming for help. So I'm telling her this- in that room is a drunk, broken man. He is hurt, he is guilty, he has no awareness of his surroundings all he needs is a love only you can give him. So when the day comes were you finally let me in, I will help you and try my best to heal those wounds. I will build you back up so you can help me end all this. Deep down I know you still love Luke, so to that girl trapped in there I'm asking for your help"
"That was beautiful, but the girl that's sitting here- doesn't give a damn what happiness to Luke. He could burn in hell for all I care."
"You don't mean that"
"Oh see but I do, and I mean it when I say I don't want your help." She kissed my forehead as she started away.

"I know..I still don't care"