It's a love/hate Relationship (sequel) After Amnesia

36. Old Habits

Mickey's P.O.V
I've been laying in bed for an hour too scared to face the world outside my covers. What if Luke still hates me? What if everyone hates me now? I'm positive everyone knows what happened by now and I could already hear the Carry bickering. The difference is that Carry has a chance. Caitlyn dresses cute and looks best Bc she still likes him and he's with Nadine to make her jealous! Luke just hates me  for I don't know why.. But I knew if I didn't get up now I would never get up. I took a shower, relieving some stress.
I do my basic makeup and hair routine as always, I have to cover up the tears. Suddenly as I look in the mirror I see how obvious my true emotions are. You can see the sadness in my eyes, my eyes say it all, drippy and dark. I wasn't ready to face him, there was something I needed to do to help me feel more at peace with this- and judging by the sudden itching of my left arm I knew exactly what that was. I vowed to Ashton that I would never do this to myself but them again..promises mean nothing in this world anymore. I reach under the toilet seat and grab the newest blade, it's shiny silver blades taunting at my wrist as my skin begs for release. I slowly drag it across my left arms, the burning sensation automatically making me feel regret for doing that, but I still went across four more times. Four light marks and one deep one. I rinse off my shame and feel slightly better about myself. Physical pain is better than emotional pain anyways, I feel like I can truly face him now. I put on my occasionally seven bracelets from high school and brace myself to face everyone. Before I I can walk out I hear a light knock on my door. I quickly throw out the blade and open the door.
"Hey Ash" he engulfs me in a huge hug and i try my hardest not to burst into tears- but I have to do as Harry says and fake the best smile I could.
"Mickey, My big little sister..are you okay? I've been getting worried"
"I'm actually terrible hehe, but I think I can make it though breakfast without collapsing" he smiles kissing my cheek.
"Mikey made extra waffles just for you"
Now I'm know I'm broken beyond repair, because that didn't even make me smile. I slowly walk out facing down as I hear his beautiful laugh, the urge to itch my arm becoming strong but Michael soonly enough comes towards me hugging me.
"M, I made extra just for you"
"t-thanks Mikey" I sit down across from Luke eating my waffles, still not making eye contact with anyone at the table. I could feel his glare on me but I refuse to look at him.
"So Harry, where's nadine. Surprised you didn't bing her to breakfast since she's practically always with you"
"Well Caitlyn she's actually at a professional modeling shoot in Melbourne for the week so she couldn't be here for breakfast" she scoffed.
"Mickey, your so quiet"  says Niall.
"I'm eating" I say stuffing my face with waffles, delicious waffles.
"Oh, good I thought it was because Luke broke up with you" Caitlyn Slapped his arm. I heard a small chuckle escape Luke's mouth.
"You know what I think I need some air, I'll be at the dorm benches" I say grabbing my phone and leaving. I'm sitting there trying to distract myself from everything by scrolling through tumblr when I feel those hands covering my eyes once more.
"Guess who love"
"Kaleb.." He quickly sat down next to me.
"Are you alright Michelle?"
"No..actually I'm not" he took my hand.
"What happened, is it your Lucas?"
"Um..let's just say he isn't my Lucas anymore" I say clearing my throat.
"Mickey...im so sorry" that's the first time he's called me that.
"Yeah it's very unfortunate but..that's life. You don't exactly end up with the person you want. It's the reality of love"
"It's bullshit, you and Luke are meant to be together! As much as I like you love even I know that" I kissed his cheek as I stood up.
"Thank you Kaleb, but i think you should go find some better company" with that I headed back to the dorm. 
I walk in, everyone still in the same exact spot as when I left. I sit back down and start finishing my waffles.
"Your okay M?" Harry whispers.
"Yeah..I'm smiling aren't I?" He kissed my cheek as I shot him a weak grin. I could still feel his stare on me, I haven't looked him in the eyes since yesterday. I think I need to get it over with now where I'm surrounded by everyone and I can't break down.
"So guys, what should we do today?"
"I have plans with someone" Luke proudly states.
"With who?"
"Savanna" finally out of instinct I raise my look to him as our eyes meet.
"Y-you do?" I question, I physically couldn't take my eyes off of him.
"Yes were going out roller skating at the new park downtown" he stated staring at me. I could feel my eyes watering and my arms itching for release as I held back the tears, but I had to fake the smile. I mean If Harry could do it how hard could it be.
"Is there a problem with that michelle"
"No not at all I mean, it's not like we just broke up or anything- it's not like that makes you a man Whore or anything" he frowned as he looked at me up and down then to his hands.
"Right, well I'm gonna go get ready for my date with Savanna, who knows when I'll get back" he smirked. ouch. He was so arrogant about it! But I have hope that this is all just some big huge fight and that things aren't actually as bad as they seem. I mean he isn't going to sleep with her Luke would never do that no matter how much he hates me. He would never dare doing something like that because he knows it would be crossing the line. No matter what, what we had hopefully meant something to him- and if it did I shouldn't have to worry about him trying anything.
We were all silent as he left the dorm.
"I'm really confused M..why exactly did you and Luke break up"
"That's the worst part of it all Mikey, I don't know"