I Love You To The Moon And Back

Chapter 34: Insecurity

Peeta P.O.V.

I'm in the bakery and I'm happy to know that only my father is here, not my mother. I'm writing some data down.
'How's that girl?' my father asks. I smile by the thought of Katniss. I look up at him. 'Good. She's staying with me at the beachhouse. I can't send her back to her mother', I say. My dad sniles. 'I don't think that that's the only reason she's staying there', he says. I blush.
'Okay, I like her, a lot. She's my girlfriend, so I have to take care of her. That's what you taught me', I say. My dad chuckles. He slaps me on my shoulder.
'Be good for her. Respect her. Understand her. Listen to her. But most of all; love her', he says. I nod. 'I will', I say. My father smiles and disappears into the stockroom.

I turn back to my papers, when the bell of the door rings. I look up and one of the biggest smiles spreads across my face when I see Katniss standing in front of me.

God. I love her so much.

'Hey, beautiful', I say. Katniss blushes and smiles a little. 'Hi', she says.
'Come here', I whisper and she comes closer. I lean over the counter to kiss her.
'Hey! No flirting with the customers!' I hear my father yell. I have to laugh and pull apart from the kiss. Katniss' face is very red.
My father comes into the bakery.
'So, ma'am, what can I do for you?' I ask in a very polite way. Katniss frowns at both my father and me.
'I... Eh... Me...', she stutters. Now my father and I have to laugh. I see that Katniss doesn't understand the situation. 'We were just joking', I tell her. She smiles. 'Nice to see you, Katniss', my father says. Katniss nods.
My father smiles again and walks away.

I pull Katniss closer again and kiss her.
'So, what's up?' I ask after a while.
'I needed some bread', she says. I smile. 'I think you're at the good place', I say. She chuckles.
I grab the bread and hold it up for her. She wants to grab it.
'First a kiss', I say smirking. She rolls her eyes and plants a really soft kiss on my weak spot. I shiver and she looks devilishly at me. 'Can I have the bread now?' she asks. I give her the bag and she smiles.
'I'll be home in a minute', I say. She nods and walks out.

I smile.

Katniss P.O.V.

That was fun, with Peetas dad. I like him. He's much nicer than his mother.
I come home and put the bread in one the cabins.
Should I put on one of the sets? I doubt it. It's not like I'm gonna take off my shirt... Right?
I walk upstairs and take one of them out of the drawer. The black one. I stare at it for a while and decide to put it on.

When I stand in front of the mirror, looking at myself. Why do I look like this? My chest is so small... And I look fat... I won't show Peeta my body, ever. I'm happy with him, and I don't want him to leave me. I quickly put on my clothes as I hear Peeta coming home. I hide everything suspicious and walk downstairs.

'Hey, Peeta', I say. He smiles and comes to me. When he places his hands on my waist, I feel really uncomfortable. He leans in to kiss me. I give him a quick kiss and pull me away from him. He frowns at me and I try to make it look not to much suspicious.

'Tired?' I ask. He holds up his shoulders. 'Not really. I want to swim with my girl', he says. I smile. He comes to me again and I try to act normal.
Don't worry, Katniss. Just don't blush.
I smile. Before he puts his hands on me, I take a step towards the stairs.
'Then I'm gonna change', I say and I hurry up the stairs.
I close the door behind me in the bedroom and I breathe out.
Now I have to appear in front of Peeta, in my bikini. I don't want that...

But, wait! I still have that swimsuit and I can just put one of my shorts on that! I sigh in relief and change.

I walk downstairs and see Peeta already standing on the beach. He has his shirt off and I see his back muscles.

I allow myself to stare at them for a while and then walk upto him.
'Hi', I say, as normal as I can. He looks at me, and I know that he is confused about my outfit, but he doesn't mention it. And I'm glad at that.

We walk into the water and look at eachother.
'I love you, Katniss', Peeta says. I smile. 'I love you too', I say. Peeta points at me.
'That's it! That's it, right there!' he yells. I frown at him. He steps closer to me, with his arms folded.
'Everytime you say that, you put your arms around my neck or you place your head on my shoulder, but you always touch me. And now you're just standing there, almost 4 feet away from me', he says. I start to blush.

'So, I know there's something wrong', he says. I look down at the water. Peeta steps even more close to me.
'What is it?' he asks. I shake my head. 'Nothing', I say. But Peeta chuckles from disbelief. 'Katniss, come on. I know you well enough to notice this', he says. I sigh.

Why does he look right through me? He doesn't even know me that long!

'Peeta... It's silly. It's not that important, I promise', I say. Peeta takes one last step to me. There's almost no space between our bodies now. But I still don't dare to touch him.
'Please, tell me', Peeta says. He places his hands on my arms, and I start to shiver. The cold water also doesn't help. He sees it and immediately lets go.

'It's about me touching you, isn't it?' he says. I don't know what to say. Peeta forces me to look at him.
'Katniss, please, tell me', he asks again. I sigh deeply.
'I'm just insecure about myself', I say. Peeta frowns. 'Why?' he asks.
I look into his clear blue eyes.
'I just feel ugly when I'm with you', I say. Peeta pulls back. 'Do I make you feel ugly?' he asks. My eyes widen.
'No! No! That's not what I mean! I just... I don't want you to be disappointed in me', I say quickly. His look turns confused again.
'Me? Disapointed? Why?' he asks. I look down again.
'Because of my body', I say. Peeta forces me immediately to look at him. 'Katniss, I told you before, you're absolutely beautiful. No, what am I saying, not beautiful, you're gorgeous', he says and he kisses my cheek very sofly. I blush.
'But I thought that guys likes girls with... I don't know...', I stutter. Peeta chuckles.
'Big boobs and big curves?' he asks. Now I have to laugh too.

I really don't know how he does that. Giving me a good feeling about myself. He just does it.

I cautiously lay my hands around his neck. He smiles.
'There it is', he says. I blush and smile a little. He pulls me closer, but I feel that he's a bit reticent.

I don't say that I'm secure about myself now, but he helps me.

***********

The feelings...
Love, -xxx-