Sex, drugs, and Wes Gregory

Chapter seventeen

I find Wes sitting at a bench in the yard of our school when he doesn't show up to first period, when I haven't seen him in the halls.

He has a blunt between his thumb and index finger and his elbows rest on his knees, causing his body to be hunched forward.

"You trust me to live in your guest house, you trust me to take me places" I caustically reach forward from behind him and run a hand up his back and along his shoulder.

I feel his body instantly relax under my touch.

"But you don't trust me enough to even let me in, to tell me your secret." I whisper. "Why not? I just don't get it. How big can it be?"

He drops his head, letting it hang. "I do trust you. I will know when you are ready to know my secret. There will come a time when something comes in your way and you'll know exactly where to go. If you go where you should when that times comes then I will tell you."

"How soon will that time come?" I ask

He shrugs. "I'm not sure yet."

I slide my other hand up his back and wrap them around his neck from behind. I place my forehead on his shoulder.

"How will I know where to go?" I ask

"You'll know" he says simply

"I'm sorry for making you so upset yesterday"

He shrugs. "Things happen. It doesn't matter."

"Why are you doing out here?" I question

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"You ask too many questions" he says before standing up and walking away from me.

I watch as he leaves

*************************

"Hey! Hey!" Wes bellows as he enters my room in his guest house.

I shove my clothes in my bag that sits on the bed.

I walk over to the dresser and grab a stack of clothes, throwing them in the bag as well.

"What are you doing?!" He yells at me, following me around the room.

I shove past him, bumping him with my shoulder as I do so.

I throw my hair brush, my straighter and everything else of mine that was brought to the house into the bag along with the other stuff.

Right when I'm about to open a drawer in the bathroom to get my toothbrush and things, Wes slams the drawer shut.

I flinch at the sound and suddenness.

"I asked you what you were doing! Answer me!" He demands

I turn my head away from him as I say, "I'm leaving, Wes"

"Leaving?" He asks, his tone lowering

"Why would I stay somewhere I'm not wanted?" I ask him. "I'm going."

He grunts in frustration and paces around the bathroom with his hands on top of his head. "No one ever said you weren't wanted!" He tells me

"Yeah well you make it very clear as to what you want." I reply, pushing past him and going back to the bedroom.

I sling my bags over my shoulder and walk out, heading for the front door.

"Macy!"

"Goodbye, Wes." I keep walking, not looking back.

"How could you say that?!" He says, slamming the front door closed just as I open it. "Huh?! How could you say goodbye?!"

I drop my head. "I guess it needed to be said."

"Yeah well it ain't a word of mine!" He replies. "It's not a word of mine, Macy."

I blink away tears as I open the door again and walk out.

I feel as if I'm leaving a boyfriend or something. It doesn't make sense as to why I'm feeling so broke. Hearted from this.

It took me a while to figure out if I was going to leave or not.

I knew that I wasn't wanted by Wes. He made it all to clear to me for the past couple of days.

I had a choice: stay where I wasn't wanted because I need a home, or to leave because I can't stay in a place where no one wants me.

So I left.

I feel like a whole other part of me has been ripped out of my chest. I feel like I need him, I need him near me, I need him with me. I need his touch, his smell, his everything.

When people say that you don't really what you have until it is gone, I never really thought about it. But now I have and I can now say that I understand what they mean.

Never did I think that I would be shedding tears for some random guy, especially when I don't even know what the guy looks like.

I've never had true feelings for anyone. I've always just masked my emotions with a sweet smile and sex. Feelings weren't involved in my life, if they were then I would have broken down and cried.

But I guess I'm just not strong enough to cry, just not strong enough to break down and plead for help. I'm not strong enough to show my emotions, to tell people the truth.