Sex, drugs, and Wes Gregory

Chapter eighteen

Wes's POV

I slam my fist down hard on the kitchen table in front of me. My shaky hand takes the liquor bottle in my hand and pours it into the glass on the table.

I've never been so confused in my life.

I've only ever known hurt and pain and sorrow. Nothing has ever made me happy in my life since my mothers death. It's something I've gotten used to.

But when Macy came into my life...when she came into my life...I felt that. I felt what happiness feels like for the first time since my mother died.

She makes me smile and she doesn't even know it. She brightens up my mood even if I don't show it.

If I'm happy then you know that she has been with me.

She's just so perfect to me

No matter what he has done or what she is going through, she is just so beautiful.

I gave her a place to stay because she needed one and because I wanted her there.

I loved waking up and being able to check on her. I loved being able to spend time with her during the day even if that meant we were watching movies silently on the couch. I loved telling her goodnight and waking up to do it all over again.

Then when she left me...

I couldn't believe it.

Sometimes when she makes me happy, I get confused and being confused makes me frustrated. When I get that way I tend to lash out at people for no reason, I tend to get angry at myself and take it out on other people.

I took it out on her and it made her feel like she wasn't wanted by me

It kills me to know that she feels as if I don't want her around. I never intended on making her feel such things. It's quite the opposite.

For some reason I can't swallow my pride and just apologize to her. I need to tell her that I do want her around. But I just can't bring myself to approach her again and tell her these things.

I've never given in to anything in my entire life. I've always had such pride that I wasn't able to. I've lost a lot of things and a lot of people because of that.

I don't want to lose her

But I can feel her slipping away day by day. I can feel the distance between is increasing. It only gets worse

At first when she came to school she looked depressed, lonely, sad. She looked like she wasn't doing too good. But her being at school did tell me that she found a place to stay.

It has been a week or so now that we haven't talked to each other.

I can see it getting easier and easier to get on with life without me. She now laughs with her friends again and eats during lunch. She giggles and begins to wear that smile on her face that tells people she is okay when she really isn't.

I hate this because I know that things are getting better for her but only worse for me.

I do to want her to move on from me. I don't want her to feel okay again until I am back in her life.

It's selfish of me, I know. I just can't help but to think this way.

I should probably feel happy for her. I should probably move on too maybe...but I don't want to.

Often times I wonder if she is thinking about me as I am thinking about her. Sometimes I wonder if she misses me like I miss her, if she wishes she was with me just like I wish I was with her.

I'm not worth getting upset over. I'm not worth thinking about.

Who am I kidding? A guy like me doesn't deserve someone like her. A guy like me is the type of guy who just doesn't have anything good happen to him.

She is something good that won't happen to me.

My hands long to touch her, my body aches to be close to her, my mind jumbles at the thoughts of her.

There is something so tragic about her, so magic about her. She's so fucked up in the head from what she has been through but damn is she still beautiful.

Despite her bruises, her scars, and her lies...she is still an angel to me. So heavenly and right.

What's the answer?

What is the answer to all of this madness?

Do I move on with my life as I would do in any other situation?

Or do I march right up to her and tell her to come home?

I decide to do the in between