Sex, drugs, and Wes Gregory

Chapter nineteen

A note falls out of my locker when I open it before my second period.

I pick it up and find a key taped to the paper. Next to the key reads:

If you ever change your mind, just come on home to me.

The note nearly slips from between my fingers at the sight of the words. Tears well up in my eye and my lips tremble as I fight back the tears that threaten to leave my eyes.

I shove the note and key into my pocket, wiping my eyes dry and shaking my head, not knowing what to do or say.

I close my locker and start for my next class.

Putting a fake smile on my face that everyone knows so much and loves, I take my seat in my next class.

"No Wes again today?" Kelsey asks as we head to her house.

"I was thinking we could do something a little different." I reply, smirking at her.

She looks back at me and smiles. "Is Macy suggesting we go to a party? Do I hear old times coming back again?"

I laugh. "Yes. We haven't been to one in a while."

"Does this mean you'll be drinking like old times too?"

"Of course"

She smiles even wider in triumph.

"You know what they say..." I continue. "You can always count on Jack Daniels when you can't count on anyone else."

I throw a shirt at Kelsey as she dances around her room to the music we play from her speakers.

She catches it and holds it up, seeing if it's worthy enough to wear to this party.

After doing my makeup darker to make my eyes look more mysterious, I put on a tight fitting grey dress and grey heels to match.

Kelsey wears the same dress as mine but hers is in black.

"Dance with me?" A guy named Eric who goes to my school says at the house party Kelsey and I go to.

I smile and hand my drink to Kelsey before takes Eric's hand and following him to the living room where grinding bodies stand.

Willingly, I press myself against him and our bodies move in unison to the song that plays throughout the house.

I close my eyes and let the music consume me.

Wes's POV

She moves with shameless wonder.

She has no control over her body when the music comes on.

Macy dances with some guy named Eric from our school as if she is alone in her room on a sunny day.

Her eyes are closed and her hands are raised above her head. Her perfect body sways to the rhythm.

She looks so lost but in a good way, as if she is escaping from some kind of horror.

I stand here watching her with only loneliness inside me while she has a great time, more than likely not even thinking about me.

All I want to do is walk up to her and wrap her in my arms, never letting go of her.

But I know I can't do that.

She left me, I didn't leave her. Therefore she needs to make the decision on rather she wants to come back or even have anything to do with me.

It's like having your girlfriend or the love of your life leave you. We were never even together but that's how it feels; like having the other half of you ripped away.

Sometimes I wish had never even seen her face...then maybe I wouldn't be going through so much pain.

I watch as Eric takes Macy's hand and leads her away from the living room full of dancing bodies and guides her up the stairs of the house.

Anger, jealousy, and rage bubble up inside of me at the sight of that.

She is going up there to have sex with him, I know this. She probably doesn't even know the guy and she looks sober enough to know what she is doing.

To know that he wants that, wants to have sex with some guy she doesn't even know crushes me.

It crushes me because I know that once they are done, both of them will put their clothes on and go their separate ways as if they never had sex.

She shouldn't ever be treated like that by any guy, she shouldn't ever allow herself to be treated like that.

I don't want to just stand here and let that happen to her but she wants it, she likes it. I want to march up their and take her away from him and bring her back to my house.

But I can't do that either.

So I drop my head, shove my hands in my pockets and leave the party.

There is nothing for me here

Macy's POV

"Wes was here" Kelsey tells me when I come back downstairs

My hands freeze in mid air when I am about to take a drink. "What?"

She nods. "Yeah. I saw him standing by the back wall over there" she points. "Of course I couldn't see his face but I'm pretty positive that he was watching you."

That means that he saw me go upstairs with Eric earlier.

"Is he still here? Did he leave?" I ask

"I saw him leave when you went upstairs with Eric." She answers

I sigh and put my face in my hands. I mentally slap myself for being so reckless and careless in his presence.

For some reason, knowing that Wes knows that I was just having sex with some guy I don't know makes me feel...dirty, wrong...like I'm a slut.

I've never felt that way before when having sex but now that Wes and I know each other on a different level, I do feel that way and it sure doesn't feel good.

I wish I could take it back but I can't. I want to tell him I'm sorry but I'm not even sure if I know what for.

I've thought about going back to him but I just can't bring myself to do it. He might not even want to be my friend anymore. He might even want nothing to do with me anymore...I guess I wouldn't blame him.

I'm absolutely worthless and he must know that. Look at me...I'm just a depressed seventeen year old girl who has sex to keep her mind off of all the wrong in her life.

I'm that girl that everyone wants to be sad for and help but just can't because she's too much of a slut for anyone to care.