The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

April 27 & May 1 2014

April 27, 2014

Dear Diary,

Brandon met me at the airport, even though it was 3 AM and he had a game the next day. I was so happy to see him again, and he was shocked at how fat I was. (Fat meaning pregnant, I'm not fat!)

When we got home I feel asleep in his arms immediately.

The next morning I made him buckwheat blueberry and banana pancakes.

"I've missed these," he said, still smiling. I don't think he's stopped smiling since I got back. And neither have I. I didn't realize how much I missed him, or needed him, until I was in his arms.

"I made them for Eric too, he really liked them," I said, sitting down next to him.

"What are we going to do about Eric?" He asked.

"What do you mean? Like, about his daughter?" It felt weird to say that.

"Yeah, is she going to live with us? Or does he want to keep her?"

(With us? Does that mean we're living together? Like, permanently?)

"I think she's going to stay with me, and he said he'll visit, or something. I don't know," I sighed, realizing how complicated things still were, even after I found out who the fathers are.

Brandon had to leave for practice, and I decided to stay home to watch the game. I wasn't ready to face the wags, although I'm not really a wag anymore.

After the game, Brandon returned to find me in bed, but not asleep yet.

"I wanted to wait for you to get home before I fell asleep," I said sitting up to kiss him as he got into bed.

"I'm glad you did because there's something I wanted to do with you," he said, returning my kiss.

"Oh really? What's that?"

He lifted up my shirt and rubbed the scruffy start of his playoff beard on my stomach, giving me kisses lower and lower.

"Oh, you mean sex?" I said laughing at how long it took me to figure out what he was talking about.

He looked up at me, "yeah, I mean, if we can."

"My doctor hasn't said I can't."

So we did. He was a lot more careful this time, usually we are so rough together it was kind of strange to see him this way. It reminded me that he actually cared about me.

-

I saw Sid yesterday for the first time since returning to Pittsburgh. I needed to get the rest of my stuff from his house, and I was going to sneak over while he wasn't there, to avoid having to talk to him, but he changed the code for the gate to his house.

I was mad at first, but then I realized it made perfect sense. I wasn't his girlfriend any more, and I didn't really have the right to be in his house when he wasn't there.

But it was really embarrassing. There were a couple of paparazzi waiting by the gate and they probably got some good pictures of me embarrassingly getting rejected each time I entered the code. That'll lead to some fun headlines in the tabloids; 'Crosby locks pregnant ex-girlfriend out of his house.'

I called him that night and made arrangements to go to his house yesterday.

It was hard. It was the first time I had seen him, in person, since that day in March when everything... started to end? I guess that was the beginning of our ending.