The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

October 9, 2013

Oct. 9, 2013

Dear Diary,

After Sid returned from dropping his parents off at the airport Sunday afternoon he looked a little different.

I guess his parents said something to him that made him rethink ‘us.’

“Hey Emme,” he said sitting up in bed after our obligatory superstitious after-win sex. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure, what is it?” I had a bad feeling about this. He was either going to evict me, or try to ask me out. I could deal with the first one, but I was not prepared for the second.

“My parents really like you, they said I was lucky to have someone like you to make me breakfast and iron my shirts,” he sighed, I could tell he was going somewhere with this and I almost stopped him now before it got too awkward. He looked down at our hands and absently rubbed circles on my palm with his thumb.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he finally said, not looking up at me.

I smiled and relaxed a little, this had been less awkward than I thought. “Sid, I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s just something my dad said right before he left. He said ‘a girl like that doesn’t come along every day,’ and it’s true,” he looked up at me, his eyes full of emotion, “and I don’t want to lose you to some other guy, and that’s why I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

I sighed. “I want to say yes, but I can’t right now,” I replied.

I told him all about Cam and how I felt so repressed and trapped in our relationship. We had started dating when I was at a vulnerable time, (beginning of college and right after my dad died unexpectedly = super vulnerable!) and I grew to rely on him, built my whole life around him. (Landslide by Stevie Nicks still makes me cry)

“It won’t be like that this time,” he said looking very sincere. “You’re in a much better place in your life right now, and I promise I won’t get too clingy or oppressive.”

“I just don’t know if I’m ready for a steady relationship right now, and I don’t want to end up hurting you,” I looked at him, his cute smile refused to fade no matter how many times I said no.

“Then I’ll wait for you,” he said wrapping his arm around my shoulders, “I’ll wait for you to be ready.”

He was so sweet. I don’t know why I can’t just get over it and say yes. I guess I’m also afraid of becoming ‘Sidney Crosby’s girlfriend,’ a title that carries a lot of responsibilities.

-

Monday was awkward, I tried to avoid Sid so I wouldn’t have to deal with his cuteness. I didn’t tell Caeleigh yet because she would make me feel bad about it. Also, because she said she and Geno were pseudo-dating. I’m not sure quite what that means, but I don’t think she does either. She said sometimes he forgets to speak English, and she just stares at him waiting for him to realize. At least Sid and I don’t have that problem

After class on Tuesday I headed over to Brandon’s to visit Pancake. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I needed to see Brandon. You know, for sex.

I let myself in (he gave me a key so I could watch Pancake while he was gone) and immediately realized he had guests over.

“Oh, hey Emme,” Brandon said walking from the kitchen to the living room to see who was here.

“Are you busy? Sorry, I should have called first,” I started putting my jacket back on to leave.