The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

December 17, 2013

Dec. 13, 2013

Dear Diary,

I skated at my first game tonight after taking some time off. The Pens won 3-2 against New Jersey. Sid has been playing well despite what happened. He has been so protective of me, though. I wanted to skate at Monday’s game against Columbus, which they also won, but he said I should wait. I think he’s waiting for me to fall apart, however I just feel numb.

Caeleigh was starting to get suspicious of my behavior. She asked me at practice on Wednesday if I wanted to see the new Hunger Games movie, and I said ‘maybe.’ This made her mad.

“What is wrong with you? You love the Hunger Games,” she said pushing me.

“I don’t know, I’m just tired. I have homework.” I said and skated away.

I do have a lot of homework, or I did a least. I’ve handed in both of my final papers and I’m done with school until the end of January. I don’t know if I want to continue my studies though, I’m not even sure why I’m still in school.

Yesterday Caeleigh and I went to the mall to go Christmas shopping. She talked most of the time, but finally stopped when she realized I wasn’t responding.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She asked stopping to look at me.

“I don’t know what to get Sid for Christmas.” It’s true, I don’t, but that’s not what’s bothering me.

“No, it’s more than that,” she said looking down at me. She always wears heels now (for Geno), and even though she’s always been a few inches taller than me I feel really short now.

“No, really, what do you get a guy who has everything? And we’ve been through something difficult recently, so I want to get him something nice,” I explained, but immediately regretted adding the second part.

“What happened?” She asked, sitting down on a bench.

“Um,” I sat down and looked around. There were a bunch of old people, but other than that the mall was pretty quiet. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“What’s wrong Emme?” She said moving closer.

“I was pregnant.” I said, not looking at her.

“What?!” She tried not to scream, “You were pregnant? What happened?”

“I didn’t know that I was, and I guess I had a miscarriage,” I took a deep breath before continuing, “I somehow took my medicine wrong when I first transitioned to it from my old medicine, and I got pregnant.”

“Wait, that was over two months ago, that’s a long time,” she said starting to look worried, “also, don’t they have to, like, remove the fetus after it dies? I saw an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where this lady had to give birth to her dead baby.”

I laughed, “that’s great, talk about dead babies with your friend who just had a miscarriage. No, my doctor said it’s so small it doesn’t matter, it’ll just go away or something.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she said putting her hand on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, I’m not actually that upset about it. I’m just happy I’m not pregnant. I think Sid was really bothered by it,” I said, “I think that’s something he would have wanted, even if it was an accident.”

“Wow,” she said and thought for a minute, “I don’t know what I would do if Geno knocked me up.”

“You guys would have weird ginger Russian babies,” I said laughing.