The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

August 2 2014

July 27, 2014

Dear Diary,

After a couple of days of moping, Brandon caught on that I was not 'just tired' as I claimed.

"Is this because of Eric?" He finally asked.

I nodded, "It just makes me so sad that he can't be with her."

"He was very happy the few hours he got to spend with her," he reassured me, but I sighed.

"I just wish I could have seen them together," I leaned on him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"What if I told you I got a picture of them, would that cheer you up?" He said as he got his phone out of his pocket.

"Yes! Yes it would!" I grabbed his phone and flipped through his pictures (which were mostly of the twins) until I found a few of Eric holding Ellie.

She was so little in his arms, and her tiny hand was reaching up toward his face. He looked down at her with such happiness that for a second I forgot that he wouldn't get to see her grow up: take her first steps, say her first word, be there for her first day of school, teach her to skate, and a thousand other firsts a parent shouldn't miss.

I leaned on Brandon again and started crying, still starring at the picture on his phone.

Brandon wrapped his arms around me and tried to pry his phone from my hands.

"I'll send you the pictures Emme, but don't break my phone, or cry on it," he wiped my tears off of his screen and sent the few pictures to me. I heard my phone buzz as it received them, but I couldn't look at them, not yet. I still hadn't gotten over the initial shock.

"I don't really know what I was expecting," I said with my arms still tightly wrapped around Brandon. "I guess part of me was sort of hoping he wouldn't like her and they wouldn't be super cute together."

"I know, it would be easier for all of us if Eric was a jerk who didn't love his own daughter," Brandon replied sarcastically with a smile.

"You know what I mean," I looked up at him and smiled for the first time in a few days. "Why can't you just play for the Canes again? It would make things so much easier."

"If it were up to me I would, trust me, I would love to go back to Raleigh, but that's not how hockey works, darling." He turned me so I was facing him and kissed me on the cheek. "And speaking of that, we still need to buy a house in San Jose."

He knew there was one thing that would always cheer me up, no matter what, and that was looking at houses.

We spent the rest of the afternoon trying to decide what we wanted in a house, and on most things we agreed (such as 2 car garage, a big kitchen with back porch, and large back yard), however, there was one thing we couldn't decide.

"Why do we need five bedrooms?" I asked, not liking where this was going. "Four would be enough."

"We need a guest bedroom, and the twins will need their own rooms once they get older."

"Yeah, but they only need one room each. Unless you want us to have separate bedrooms, I don't know what the fifth room is for."

"It's for... whatever. I just think we should keep our options open," he said this last part very carefully, but I knew exactly what he meant.

"Brandon Sutter, the next time I have a child the freaking stars will have to align and there will need to be a very clear message from God instructing me to reproduce," I was trying very hard to sound stern, and he was trying not to laugh.