Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

3 6 ~ A n n a

Flashback ~ December 29, 2011

I make my way into the trees across the highway from my house and peek through the branches. The red and blue flashing lights greet me for the second time tonight.

My mom stands with my dad, talking urgently to a police officer. She's wringing her hands together and dad is eerily still, his expression completely unreadable. Toby is rolling around in the snow, completely oblivious to the anxious faces around him.

What am I supposed to do now? Just waltz up to them and be like, "Hey guys. I'm home."

No. That's just... it doesn't work.

I stay in place for a few more minutes, unable to take my eyes off of the crowd gathering around my house. Neighbors are coming out to find out what's going on. Another police car shows up.

Even Charlie. We haven't been friends for months, and yet she's come out with worry written on her face, too.

I can't seem to move. I can't tell anyone the truth, but then again I can't come up with a story because the store's tapes are going to tell the truth for me.

I stand up. One step and they'll see me from across the street and they'll all be so relieved that I'm alive. And I'll be in so much trouble, but that's not what's important. I'll be home.

I step out of the trees and a gust of wind whips my hair in my face. I catch my breath as a car passes. I realize how terrifying I must look right now. My forehead is covered in blood and I'm soaking wet from the snow and the mud.

Toby is the first to see me as I'm crossing the highway. I slip a little when I get to the side, and it reminds me of this morning. When I was so oblivious about what would happen.

My knees get weak when the road slides under me, and I'm on the ground in seconds.

Toby gets up from the snow and barrels toward me, his little chubby cheeks rosy from the cold. He hits me in the side with a hug just as I'm getting to my knees from the ice.

"Anna!" He giggles and I can't help but smile and hug him back. For just a second everything is okay.

Caesar didn't get to him. To any of them.

He pulls back and sits down in front of me. Nobody notices that he's gone yet. Nobody notices me yet either. I don't bother getting up, the fatigue catching up to me. "Hey buddy," I grin and ruffle his dark head of hair.

"Keshup?" He asks.

"What?" I ask him, trying to take in air. It's like I can't breathe after all of this like I'm suffocating.

"Keshup on you head?" He points at the blood on my forehead. I nod.

"Ketchup." I reach up and my fingers pull away red.

"MOMMY!" He screams and I jump a little. I look up to see my mom looking at me, eyes wide. She grabs my dad's arm and he looks up too.

And the rest is kind of the blur. Someone said I was in shock. Everyone was asking me what happened. People were hugging me and fussing over me.

At some point, someone brought me inside.

I don't think I said anything.

I don't have to. The tapes are going to tell the truth for me.