Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

7 7 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 17, 2011

I'll just go ahead and say this now. Sawyer did not jump. Not because he didn't want to, and not because he didn't try, but because we wouldn't let him. One failed jump from the platform was good enough for all of us...

Even with the constant threat of Caesar, I still can unwind a little here. The Gin is such a dangerous and juvenile place, yet I can go back to the first thing all of us did together, coming here. Back to when I barely knew any of them, when I was a stranger that Blue shot in the woods.

And we have, dare I say it, fun. Blue laughs. Bailey and Colt snuck off by themselves for a few minutes, and she came back all blushy. Sawyer sang god-awfully to the music from the speakers we had hung up, like usual. And I just stayed close. I wanted to be with one person of the group at all times, or at least within sight of them. I didn't want something to happen to them or me.

The one thing I was banking on this entire time is that Caesar wouldn't kill me in front of them. This little game we've been playing, dancing around each other in a game of cat and mouse, isn't going to end with an audience. I don't know how it will end, but I know it will just be him and me, face to face. He is too sadistic not to torture me like that. Take away everything so that I'm alone like him, and then make me die alone, too. After I've found a place I fit in again.

I've thought about that a lot lately... I think that's how he would do it. End the "game" I mean. I know that out of everything he might try, it's going to be more than just a sneak attack in an abandoned warehouse.

But those thoughts don't return to me until it's half past four in the morning. Yes, four in the morning. Like I said, we have fun together. I'm in the back of the truck, but this time, I'm not just sitting. I'm on the edge. For once in my life, I'm sitting on the edge of the truck bed. Hanging out over the open road and laughing. Music, so much music.

As soon as my feet touch the pavement again, I'll come back to reality. I'll keep looking over my shoulder and hiding my face. But it's the middle of the night, early morning. There's nobody on this road to see me.

I should know that this is when it always falls apart. I gave myself a day to forget with Blue, and now I'm staying in Wallen. I let my guard down and the murderer climbed in through the window. I should have seen it coming.

I'm willing to bet that he was waiting for an opportunity like this. That he was watching us the entire time, and didn't do it until now because he saw me smile.

Everything around us is so calm and asleep, not even waking at the sound of our chaos.

The music is cranked up loud and this time, we are all singing along as we speed down the road. It is a song that I had heard my dad play in his car a million times and I knew every word. Even Blue is singing.

"Flying high, fine as wine.

Having ourselves a big and rich time..."

But it's dark. It's dark, and it's loud, and one headlight on the truck doesn't work.

Something in the air shifts and I hear Colton scream for us to hold on to something. It's like déjà vu. It's like I'm back on the bridge, in the car with my family. Suddenly everything stops in my head as I'm thrown against the side into the truck bed, right into Blue.

It all comes again. The whip of air, the screech of brakes failing. The sudden drop.

Maybe it's the sudden twist of the car avoiding something in the road or the sudden weightlessness of the truck falling into the ditch. I really don't know but even in the dark, I knew.

I am reliving that moment in my head again. I am holding on for dear life and hoping that this time, it isn't him. That, this time, Caesar wasn't the one attacking us. But it is. Somewhere inside of me I know.

And if everything wasn't already completely black, it is now.

I hear it. Metal crashing against a tree.

I feel it, the flip of the truck.

And I live it. For the second time.

And this time, the one thing that runs through my head isn't his name. It isn't the name of the man who causes this. It's something else altogether.

I can't let this happen to them, too.