Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

5 4 ~ A n n a

                

Flashback ~ December 30, 2010

When we get out of the police station I start to talk but my mom shushes me, so I stay quiet.

Mom jumps into the front seat immediately, making my dad get into the passenger's seat. She looks on edge, and I understand. She needs to feel in control right now.

After getting into the car and pulling out of the parking lot, I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. If my acting was good enough, then there is nothing to worry about. It's all behind me.

It's over, I tell myself. All of this police business, the robbery, it's over.

"Sorry, we couldn't talk back there. They could have audio on their security," my Mom says.

I nod but don't feel like talking anymore.

"We were watching. You did good," my dad says. I look up at that. The fact that they saw my reactions makes it worse. They saw what I did, the emotions on my face and the tears in my eyes. And they think it was all an act.

"She didn't do good, Mark," my mom says bitterly and I glance between them. "She lied. She may have done what she had to, but don't tell her she did well."

My dad sighs. "I'm just trying to reassure her, that's all. I didn't know she could act so well."

Me neither. But I'm not too sure how much of it was acting.

"She lied," my mom whispers like I can't hear. "We told our daughter to lie. To the police."

She continues driving, her knuckles white from how tightly she grips the wheel. I shift in my seat, rolling the window down. My lungs feel like they can't breathe, like this car and everything else is suffocating me. I just want to get away... Just for a few minutes.

"We had to. What else could we have done?" My dad is raising his voice now.

I tune it out as they argue. They never fight, and the fact that they are, that I am the reason for it, makes that rock in my stomach turn over a couple more times. My throat feels like it's closing up.

I hold my hands over my ears so I don't hear, squeezing my eyes shut. I just need to get away. I'm not here right now. I'm not here...

Then I feel a little hand touching my arm and look over where Toby is buckled into his booster seat.

"Anna," His face is crumpling like he is going to cry. I unbuckle and scoot over to him.

"Hey buddy," I whisper, brushing his curls back from his face. "It's going to be okay."

He nods and grabs on to my hand. I smile sadly down at him. Mom's voice raises a little, but I try to ignore their arguing. We're on the bridge now, so at least we're almost home.

"Anna," Toby whines again.

"It's okay," I whisper.

"Man," he says, pointing. At first, I don't understand, but he does it again. "Man?" he points.

I look up and follow his gaze. My parents are too busy yelling to see the man standing in the middle of the road. Directly in the path of our car.

I scream.

My parents both look back as me instead of forward. Toby starts to cry in gasping breaths. My heart drops as the car speeds faster at the man in the road.

"Stop!" I scream, pointing at the road ahead just like Toby. It's like I've gone numb, like every bone in my body has stopped working as I look at the figure we are about to hit. My dad sees him first, and then everyone is yelling at mom to stop.

She panics.

The man doesn't move. He just stands there. It's as if he's doing it on purpose...

Then I realize.

He wants us to crash.

Mom jerks the wheel and we swerve off to the side. It happens so fast that I'm thrown to the other side of the car.

My shoulder crashes into the door handle before a crippling sound of crunching metal echoes in my head. The sudden jolt sends a sharp pain stabbing in my head like a dagger, shards of glass digging into my skin. All I can hear is Toby's scream rising above everything else.

Suddenly, everything is falling. There isn't the bump of the bridge or the rumbling whir of wheels spinning. We're turning. It's smooth, disorienting, and when my eye catches a glance out the window I can see why. It's only for a split second that I see dark water rushing up towards us, but it's enough.

We've gone off the side of the bridge. And now we are falling...

Into the lake.

I don't have much time to think. Actually, I don't have any time to think, but still, one word passes through my mind.

The name of the man in the road.

Caesar.