Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

9 3 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 23, 2011

"I... I just don't know what to do... And he's here and watching me..."

I realize that I'm crying really hard now and it's so dark outside. I can't believe that I'm doing this, that I am actually ruining everything. God, I need to stop this. I need to stop. Stop. Stop.

But I can't.

Stop.

But I don't. I'm not in control anymore. It's all coming out.

"I'm sorry," I start to turn and run away, back into the night where I can find some cover, where I can just sit and let this terrible feeling in my chest come out because I don't think I can stop it now. Everything is just hitting me so fast like a train is pulling me along with in on its tracks, moving a thousand miles an hour.

Blue catches my arm.

I finally slow down, but can't bring myself to look at him. I shouldn't care what he thinks of me. I shouldn't be scared to see what his eyes will tell me. Is he disappointed? Is he pitying me? Is he mad?

"I'm here, okay?" He whispers. For some reason, I think that has to be the one moment that everything finally stops moving for a moment. The car crash, the look at the dream catcher, that went by too fast. The robbery was a rush. But this is frozen. I can't move. I can't breathe. I'm in ice again.

"This guy, Caesar, isn't going to get to you. Or me. You just need to let me help you."

This time, I look up at him and what I see on his face isn't what I thought I would see. He isn't mad of pitying or even surprised. He closes his eyes for a moment.

"C'mon," he gives me a smile, a sad one, but a smile none the less.

He wraps his arms around me and I can't help but cry. He gets it. Someone who finally gets it. And I hug him back, holding on so tight that I don't think I could ever let go.

"He's always got a plan, Blue," I mumble into his shoulder. "He always catches up."

"Not this time," I hear him whisper into my hair. "Not this time."

"We should get out of the dark," I say. I'm more comfortable in the dark, where he won't see the puffiness of my eyes or the pain on my face. But at the same time, I'm still on red alert, and I can't keep myself from shaking with the idea that Caesar could be out here, watching us, right now.

He could be adding Blue to his list as we speak.

Blue's probably already on the list.

"Okay," He says, pulling away for a moment and looking down at me. "Do you want to stay at my house tonight? At least there will be locks on the doors and air conditioning."

He sees me wavering and shakes his head a bit. "I mean, because he's out there, and he's looking for you. My dad won't be home--he's on the hunting trip-- so you don't have to worry..."

I nod silently, holding onto my arms to shield myself from the midnight summer breeze. It shouldn't be this cold out right now.

"C'mon, we're not that far now," He says, steering me back toward the path with his hand on the small of my back. It makes my skin tingle. Not in a bad way. like when Caesar grabbed me, but in a good way. A chilling way that made the corner of my mouth turn up a little.