Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

6 5 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 11, 2011

After a few minutes of playing, I lay down my guitar in the gravel.

Blue smiles at me. "Do you know why we need you to stay, really?"

I roll my eyes now. I've asked him this so many times. It's about time he gives me a straight answer. "Is it because of the dynamic I bring to the group?" I ask mockingly.

He chuckles. "No... That's only part of it."

I keep looking at him, waiting. This happens with him a lot, I notice. Him not continuing with his thoughts, stopping halfway. "What?"

"It's just," he shifts to look at me before he continues. "We worry--I worry-- about you. I mean, you were going to leave, but I can already guess that you weren't going to go back home to your family." He pauses for a breath.

I take that chance. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Last night, with the fair, you were so scared that you were going to get caught. You were begging for me to let you go. And I hate... I hate to think that whatever it is you were running from might catch up to you."

I shrug.

"Where would you go?" he asks me.

I shrug. "Somewhere people don't recognize me."

"Recognize you?" His eyebrows draw together and I take in a sharp breath. I had forgotten for just a moment that he didn't remember my face all over the news from months ago.

"You know... The police."

He tilts his head to the side a bit. "How bad was what you did, on a scale of one to ten?"

I feel all of my muscles go rigid, but make myself respond anyway. "Like... Twelvish."

He shakes his head. "No, I don't believe that. You're not a bad person."

"How would you know?"

He smiles softly at me but then looks away. "You're not a bad person, Rusty. You care. You care about everything even if it doesn't affect you."

"So?" I ask, a little uncomfortable. He just pointed out one of my flaws, even if it is disguised as a good thing. Caring is good, sometimes, but it can also get people killed. I've been there.

"So whatever it is you're running from; it isn't as bad as you think. It can't be."

No, I think to myself. You have no idea.