Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

1 1 0 ~ R u s t y

Present Day ~ July 24, 2011

I hear the gunfire when the medics start trying to fix me up. The EMT yells over to me that the bullet went right through, that I'm still bleeding a lot. And it hurts a lot worse than a BB gun. The medics work with panicked faces, but soon enough they get the bleeding under control and go to help others who might have gotten caught in the crossfire.

The gunshots persist for a few minutes, no doubt that Caesar and his people are resisting arrest. Blue stays with me in the cover of the ambulance and our hands find each other.

The silence outside drops slowly until we can't hear anything but our own breathing. The gunshots echo in my ears for a moment more, but then I hear the voices. People yelling and calling out.

I see the police taking away Caesar when an EMT opens the ambulance doors. He's all beaten and bloody and there are handcuffs caging his wrists. As he walks away with the three cops holding onto him, he's laughing. A bitter, chilling laugh that comes with a smile. A smile for me.

One that says it isn't over yet.

But it is. It is for now.

I'm numb. I have no idea what just happened out there, who got hurt. And there's one person who still isn't with me. Toby. The medics get ready to drive off to the hospital but I plead for them to stay a little longer, trying to get a good look outside. One of the EMTs who was working on me ignores my protest and starts to close the doors.

But Blue stops her when he sees something, putting a hand up to block the door.

I keep my eyes out for Toby, but it isn't until I see Jack walking up, hand in hand with my little brother, that I really break down.

Everything that has been building up inside me, the fear, the hate, the guilt, it all comes out in a laugh. I feel the air finally wisp out of my lungs and my chest tightens. Just seeing his smile, those brown curls, makes me cry in relief.

I let go of Blue's hand and scoot to the edge of the cot slowly. But as I get closer, I know cringing, hoping to dear god that he'll still know who I am. That he isn't mad at me. That he's glad I'm back. Jack lifts him up into the back of the ambulance.

When he gets to me, I'm speechless.

He's here.

I can't believe it. We're finally together again.

He just looks at me for a few seconds, his fingers furled into his shirt.

All I can do is smile and reach out to take his little hands. Before I can stop myself I pull him into me and hold him tighter than ever before. He relaxes and I feel his warm breath on my neck. When I pull back, I wipe my eyes.

"Hey Buddy, remember me?" I ask softly.

And then he just smiles back at me, the gap in his teeth shining right back at me. Then he says something in his sweet little voice that I never thought I'd hear again.

"Anna?"