Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

1 0 0 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 24, 2011

Jack had known for a while.

There was no hunting trip. He was at the station and had used the hunting trip story as a cover to keep Blue less suspicious. In reality, Jack was just looking into my case.

I should have known that he would recognize me. I should have guessed that he would peg me as that girl at some point. I ask him why he didn't arrest me. He says that he didn't put it together until a while after he'd given me the stitches. He shoots Blue a hard look while he talks.

He says that he'd always had suspicions about my case. And after meeting me he didn't think it added up.

When Sawyer came here, he had "bad" written all over him. And Jack took a chance on him and that turned out good. He thought he'd take another chance on me.

"What's your side of the story?" He asks. His eyes are trained on my face as he leans forward in his chair. He's been trying to figure out what happened for weeks, and now here I am with all of the answers.

I don't think I can say it again. I don't think that I can survive going through it even one more time. Blue knows this, so he grabs my hand and starts talking for me.

I don't stop him. I'm grateful.

But I don't miss the flicker of Jack's eyes between us, and how he focuses in on our hands. I don't look back up at him for the rest of the story.

Just like Blue, he waits a few minutes before he speaks.

"You say you know where he is?" Jack finally speaks to me again, after the rest of my past has been put out in the open. Something in his eyes has changed, though. He isn't as mad and closed off anymore. But his brow is down and I can tell he isn't quite convinced.

"I don't know where he is now... but he's been sending me notes. He wants to kill me himself, so I know that the next note is probably going to tell me where to go..." The room feels colder, so I pull the blanket from earlier back around my shoulders.

Jack nods slowly. "You're right, Aaron. We could try to catch him. We've got to develop a plan... Maybe get a confession, or find another way to prove your story," he says the last part to me.

"You believe me?" I ask in a hollow voice, hoping so badly that he does. Blue squeezes my hand.

"You're not the first to come forward with a story like this. This isn't the first time he's done things like this... The difference is, the others never helped him rob a store." He pauses to stand up. "And I read the interrogation report. They could tell you were lying."

I nod. Jack grumbles that he's going to go make a few calls and try to get a plan together. A team to help when the time comes. He tells us to stay in the house for right now, not to tell anyone else about what's going on.

When the time comes. It just sounds so wrong, that we're just waiting for Caesar to decide to kill me. That we're just waiting for him to make the first move. This sounds like a war or something, where the soldiers will always be on guard and ready when the attack comes.

Jack leaves the room and I stay silent, listening to the murmur of his voice in the kitchen. I don't turn to look at Blue, just lean back into the couch and push my fists into my eyes.

"That wasn't so bad," he breaks the silence. When I don't say anything, he continues. "We'll catch him. We'll get your brother back. If anyone can do it, it's my dad."

"Has he dealt with psycho murderers before?" I ask sarcastically, giving him a look.

"Umm..." He trails off, shaking his head.

"What if they arrest me, Blue? What if they separate Toby and me again? It's out of our hands now. We can't do anything." I stand up and start to pace.

He's silent for a minute. "My dad may be tough sometimes, but he won't let that happen, okay? He gets how important family is. Especially after you lose someone."

I nod a little, but I already have other thoughts racing through my mind. "I heard Sawyer give you an address."

He doesn't question me but just pulls it out of his pocket.

I accept the little sticky note and put it in my boot, sitting back. I'm sure he wants to know, but he doesn't ask. He probably knows that after all of the things I've given away today, this isn't something I want to talk about.

"We'll catch him, okay? But we've got to do it right."

I look away.

He asks me if there is anything he can get me. A glass of water, another blanket. I just nod, watching as he gets up and walks to the kitchen.

I know what I plan to do next is bad, but I

As soon as I see him disappear into the other room, I grab my boots and pull out the address. I tuck it into my back pocket and slide on the shoes. This is something I have to do. And I don't want anyone to follow me.

I'll come back.

I will.

But I need to see for myself that I actually have the right address. That Sawyer, somehow, actually found his brother.

As quietly as I can, I tip-toe around the couch and to the door. It shuts with a soft click behind me as I step out into the afternoon air.

Toby's alive.

If there is ever a time to give Caesar what he wants, it's now.