Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

6 7 ~ R u s t y

                

Present Day ~ July 11, 2011

It gets dark out too soon. I feel at ease here, by the quarry, talking to Blue. I'm not as on edge. We spent the rest of the day just talking about the little things, and that was what made it easy. Natural.

Family pets. I had a hamster once. Blue used to have a dog but it ran away a while back.

Places we've been. I've never really been out of the tri-state marker area, let alone the whole country. Blue's family went all the way to California once, and he's been to Florida a couple times.

Books we've read. I'm into the action and the questioning of our own society, and the way we live. All of the hidden meanings in places nobody looks for them. Get this: Blue reads poetry. Like, legit poetry. I grin at that. He tells me that it's just the rhythm and the way the words go together. How they work. Less is more and that kind of thing.

When the topic gets to family neither of us really comment. I ask him if he's ever had siblings. It was a bad move. He shook his head and asked me the same thing. I said yeah, but we didn't elaborate. Then he asked me whether my parents knew where I was or if I was okay. He didn't ask me why I ran away from them but I could tell he was wondering. Everyone wonders.

"Sort of," I had said. "I guess they do."

It's not a lie. I'm sure that whatever the hell happened to them after their lights went out, wherever they went, maybe they can find comfort in the idea that I'm not completely lost anymore.

He didn't push the subject.

I lay back on the gravel. Blue laughs at me and I close my eyes again, pressing my fists into my eyes. "Thank you for this," I say even though I can't see him. "I think I needed it."

He just shrugs. "Anytime."

"Hey, Blue?"

I glance sideways at him. I don't know why.

"Yes, Rusty?"

"I think I'm going to stay," I mumble. I notice Blue sit up slightly, fighting a smile.

"Really?" He wonders.

I nod.

"Why?" He asks.

I don't know... because I have to stay back and protect the people who've been dragged into this unknowingly. Because I have to stay back and protect you. Because if I leave, he's going to find me, and at least if I stay, I have a solid place to hide.

But I don't say any of that. Instead, I just mumble, "I'm tired of running."