Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

8 5 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 17, 2011

"What's your name?" I ignore the question while I cringe at another stitch. I look up at the young nurse standing there with a clipboard, her impatience is obvious on her face.

It's completely humiliating. They had to cut off part of my jeans, my favorite jeans, so they could get to the wound. I mean, who does that? Not to mention that I'm so tired that I'm practically a dead man walking by now. I feel like a zombie stumbling through the motions of life.

Blue sits beside me, completely still, waiting for my answer. He's been beside me this whole time, except when he stepped out for a minute to go check on Bailey and Sawyer. I told him that he didn't have to wait with me, but I know he could see that I was lying. I wanted him here. There is no way I can get out of this without his help.

"Do you really need that information right now?" I ask, my hands balling into fists at my sides to keep myself from moving. If I could, I would already be sprinting down the hallway and back to Bailey's garage.

"How old are you?" She asks. I frown, so she explains. "If you are a minor, we need to contact your guardian."

I laugh nervously but still don't respond.

Go ahead and try. Nobody's going to pick up the phone.

Blue takes this moment to move one of my hands into his and uncurl my fist. Then he places it back in my lap. It was a silent message: calm down or they'll be suspicious.

The nurse clears her throat, her eyes flicking to Blue again. "Legally, we are able to treat you because your injury could be fatal, but we need your insurance information and such for the payment."

I look over to Blue, hoping he will see the panic in my eyes. He sighs and looks at the nurse. "I'll fill out her information for you," he smiles politely.

The nurse shoots me a glare, then smiles back at him. She gladly hands over the paperwork, thanks him, and shuffles back past the curtain that surrounds the bed.

After all of my stitches are tied off or whatever, we are left alone.

As soon as everyone is out, he turns to me. "Rusty," he says in a whisper, his voice warning me not to lie. His gaze doesn't move from my face.

I wonder why all of the sudden I'm getting all nervous around him. Maybe he's just getting to close to me and my past. I'll blame it on that.

I can't lie to him. I don't know what it is about him, but I can't lie. I won't. Maybe... Maybe this is where I draw the line. Maybe if I had just one person that I didn't have to wear a mask around, I would finally be able to breathe...

But then I realize that it isn't that simple. If he found out about everything that has happened, everything that I've done, he won't want me. And by that, I mean he would call the cops, tell his dad, not talk to me, make sure I'm in handcuffs. That's what happened with Charlie, and we were like sisters at one point.

"I know you want to start fresh, but I can tell there's more to that than you're telling me."

My lips part and I look down at my hands. What am I supposed to say?

His expression softens as he tries to read my face. "Rusty, you don't have to talk about it, but just don't shut me out, okay?"

I shake my head, scooting away from him and taking a deep breath. I still feel like I'm suffocating, like the world is spinning all the way around me and I can't tell which way is up. "It's too late anyway. I can't do anything but shut you out."

He looks up at that. "You're scared."

It wasn't a question. I don't respond.

His eyes search my face for a clue, anything that I'm willing to give away, but my walls are higher than ever now. "You're scared," he repeats, and I can't help but relive that moment in the woods, fearing for my life, hiding from Caesar. I feel a tear fall from my face and hope he doesn't notice. "What's your name?" He asks.

I feel my lip quivering and take in a shaky breath. "I... I just..." I close my eyes. The memory is resurfacing again, just like it does every night when I go to sleep. Nightmares are worse than real life because you can't hide from them. The car, the water, the suffocating darkness. The car, the flip, the ditch. "--can't tell you."

I'm silent for a minute, then feel a light touch brush away the tear on my cheek. I don't look up at him. "Does giving them your information put you in danger?" He asks, his voice steady and controlled.

I nod slowly. If my name is put in their records, someone will recognize it and call the cops. Or worse, Caesar will find me.

"Okay then. That's all I need to know," Blue stands up, abandoning the clipboard on the hospital bed. "We're getting you outta here."

I let out the breath I was holding and smile back a little.

Since I'm all patched up, I stand and hobble to the curtain with him. "Wait," I say. "We have to be smart about this. I'm covered in blood and am walking with a limp. I think they will realize that I shouldn't be leaving."

He bites his lip in concentration. It's kind of cute...

"Rusty?" He asks, waving a hand in front of me. "Earth to Rusty."

"Oh, sorry," I say, looking away. "What?"

Blue peeks out into the hallway, then looks back at me. "I said that," he pauses to pull my arm around him for support. I glance over to see that mischievous smile on his face. "I have a plan." He pauses again, looking at my worried expression. "But you're going to have to trust me."

And then I hear it come from my mouth before I even decide to say it.

"Okay."