Holding My Breath [Wattys 2016]

9 9 ~ R u s t y

                 

Present Day ~ July 24, 2011

Jack gets home about an hour later. During the time that we waited, Blue and I tried to figure out how to talk to him, what to say, how to say it. We stayed on the couch, talking about anything to distract ourselves from everything else. It was noon by the time the front door opened, and when it did, Blue jumped up from the couch. I stayed seated.

"Dad, we need to talk to you." Jack's expression doesn't change when he sees his son, but it does when he sees me. He raises his eyebrows.

"It's been a while...?"

"Rusty," I supply at the same time Blue says the same thing. I would smile at that but I'm too nervous now. Blue's dad doesn't look like he's been on a hunting trip at all. In fact, he doesn't even seem tired.

He walks around and sits in the recliner opposite us. I scoot away from Blue. It feels weird to be sitting so close to him when his dad is sitting there, watching us. "What do you need to talk to me about?"

I take a deep breath, ready to speak, but then I lose it. I can't. I'm choking. I turn to Blue for help.

"Dad, this is really serious, so just hear us out, okay?"

"You didn't get her pregnant, did you?" Jack asks and Blue coughs, his face getting red.

"Um, no. Nothing like that..."

Jack's eyes flick back and forth between us, and I can see a worry line in his face acting up a little. I wonder if he's always worried this much, or if it's just the way this conversation is going.

"Are you in trouble?" he asks to neither one of us in particular. I'm freezing up again. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to tell Blue about my past, but talking to his dad is worse. His dad won't just help me like his son will. Blue will protect me, but Jack... He has every reason to put me in cuffs. Why did I think this was a good idea?

Toby. If I don't get to him, Caesar will. I have to think about Toby here.

"You're with the police force, so you must have heard of Caesar, from your hometown, right?" Blue keeps talking. I let him. He's way better at this stuff than me. My version of this conversation would go way worse.

Jack's face hardens. He keeps glancing back between Blue and I. I wipe away a tear before he can see it. "Aaron, what's this about?"

Blue seems to get caught on his words, too. I can't just sit there and watch him struggle to talk to his dad. I can't just cower back and run away this time. It's Toby. And I just have to pray that Jack will get that.

"I know..." Jack's eyes shoot over towards me. "I know how to find him. Caesar."

He waits for more. I try to say it. It's hard, but I try.

"He's been... threatening me. And he killed..." I take a shaky breath. "... my family. And I know you don't know who I am, but I was set up. Now he wants to kill me too. And I know who he's after. I can help... We could catch him, right? We could..." I'm rambling. I know I'm rambling.

This was a bad idea. I start to stand up, not looking at either of them. "I'm sorry, this was a bad idea," I mumble and start to walk backward to the door, shaking my head. This was bad... I shouldn't have just said that. I'm trembling... God, what did I just do?

Jack doesn't say anything.

"Rusty, stop." Blue's voice makes me pause and his hand grabs mine. His eyes are pleading me. Pleading for me to stay. Pleading for me to trust him, to give him a chance.

I lift my eyes to see Jack's face. He isn't angry. I can't tell what he is. I let myself stop for that split moment, trying to decide whether I should just run or not. Whether I should just go after Toby on my own.

And then he says it, something that makes me want to throw up. I don't even know how to respond. Or how to take it in. I can't do anything but stand there, dead frozen.

"Anna," Jack mumbles. "I know exactly who you are."