Forced to marry him! Completely re-edited

reunion

three week later

I curled the blanket up to my chest trying to will myself to sleep, it was already 12 and I had to wake up at 5:30 the next morning for work. The clock ticked away but I could not get to sleep. I'd like to blame it on the neighbours across the street who were hosting a party and could not keep their volume down, or how Perrie constantly went to the bathroom within the span of an hour.

But truthfully every single time I closed my eyes the scene of the hospital or the blood stained sheets kept appearing followed by the cry of a baby. It made me jolt awake and completely lose my track of sleep.

I hauled myself up in bed snuggling my legs under my chin. The air was chilly cold that it bit at my exposed skin and the pitch black room left me alone with my own thoughts. I patted the space next to me where zayn normally slept however I yet again for the third time this night found the spot empty. Of course he was off to New York for three weeks.

I really missed his company even though I told him at the airport that Id be fine- I really wasn't. I was just counting down the days and hours to the minutes until he'd be back.

I grabbed my phone from the bedside table, skimming through the workload of messages trying to find one from Zayn but was greeted with none. I had sent him one just an hour ago and though he saw my message he didn't reply.

I bit my lip feeling tears well up in my eyes. i raked a hand through my hair. I didn't know what was happening to me...I felt like slowly -minute by minute- I was losing myself. I couldn't get to sleep every night, every single time I saw a infant or pregnant women I felt like crying, I couldn't get over the fact that I had lost my own child, that sometimes I liked to think that I was still pregnant. It didn't help that I literally could not live without my husband by my side who was now currently ignoring me.

I tried to tell myself that he must be on a super busy schedule that there might have not been time for him to text back. But then again he said that space was good for the both of us. Or maybe he couldn't look me in the eye after I lost his child.

I dropped my head into my hands trying to curl myself into a ball. I didn't care that my whimpers were getting louder or that I was crying like a child who lost their candy. I didn't care at all. If this was marriage life or the responsibilities of being an ex-parent then I didn't like it at all.

I never thought I say this but I really wish I was Perrie, she was mending her relationship with her boyfriend, she would always make time to go on dates with Luke and got alone extremely well with his parents. Luke's mother loved her and treated her like her long lost daughter whilst I couldn't even keep a conversation running with my mother-in-law. To top it all off she was pregnant and had a healthy child at 7 months pregnant.

I thought that it would suck living alone in a crazy big house with my worst enemy. Perrie. But, truthfully she wasn't that bad. She has been constantly helping around the house, quite a lot if I think about it, that at times she was so silent that I forgot she lived in our house.

After my miscarriage she had been extremely...understanding and...almost caring. It was so...weird cause I had always seen her as an orange freaked bitch that would do anything to get my husband in bed. But now I see her as a true friend and even someone I could rely on.

It was like the people I thought would help me get through this lowest point of my life didn't help me at all but people I never expected would help me were eventually the ones that cared for me.

It was hard trying to get over my lost child but I finally felt like I was doing it, bit by bit, day by day I was progressing and almost becoming stronger. It was like I had shoved all my emotions in a bag and had used it as fuel to tackle difficult situations in my life like dealing wiht my bipolar mother-in-law. And when I did happened to recall that night I would use my gym membership as a form of distraction. It worked though, I stopped wasting my tears and had gained muscles in places I'd never think I'd ever get.