What's The Real Score? [JerNella]

Chapter 57

True love doesn't mean being inseparable. It means being separated and nothing changes.

A quote from James Reid and Nadine Lustre's incoming film, This Time.

JANELLA'S POV

Ang tanga ko na ba? Pinakawalan ko na naman siya. Sinaktan ko na naman siya. Nasasaktan ako and it's all because of me. I'm so damn stupid.

But true love isn't about being able to stay. It's about staying the same person in love, no matter how hurt you were, no matter how broken you could be. Sure, you can deny your feelings to yourself and find someone new. And if he does, then too bad for me. My feelings could fade but I know it wouldn't be easy, kaya kung makahanap man siya ng iba, I wouldn't blame anyone but myself...

I was being unfair to him and he didn't deserve it. Sana marealize niya na kaya ko 'to ginagawa, kasi gusto ko siyang sumaya, someday. But as long as we're together, we'll just drown together. This feeling isn't healthy for us. I needed to let him go, because a person can only save one at a time. Call me stupid but I needed to do what I had to, I needed to let him go because I want him safe. Kahit malunod na lang ako mag-isa dito. I'll manage until he himself will be able to come back and save me.

Pero paano kung hindi niya na ako balikan?

"Janella, focus alright?" Sabi ni Direk Onat sa'kin. I'm having a workshop with Elmo right now.

Pagod na pagod ako. Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos kagabi, gabi-gabi ng dahil sa kanya. Para akong binubuhusan ng malamig na tubig gabi-gabi tuwing naiisip ko siya, his cold stare and treatment before he turned his back on me. Hanggang sa makatulog na lang ako nang hindi namamalayang umiiyak na naman ako. Looks like his survival will only mean my own death. I don't want it to be our dead end.

"I'm sorry, Direk." Nakayukong sabi ko. Nakakahiya na rin kay Elmo dahil natatagalan kami nang dahil sa'kin.

"You know we can't shoot in Japan if you're like that. Ano'ng nangyari?" Nagtatakhang tanong ni Direk. "The last time, hindi ka naman ganyan."

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan. Para akong tanga, ako na nga 'yung nanakit, ako pa 'yung sobrang naaapektuhan ngayon. Damn.

"Maybe she just needs to take a break, Sir." Sabat ni Elmo at nginitian ako. Matagal-tagal ko ng nakakasama si Elmo at nasanay na rin ako sa 'suplado' aura niya though he's far from that. He's just quiet and the chill type but he's really nice and funny, too. "Baka nastress lang si Janella lately. I'm sure she'll do better once na magsimula na ang taping."

I forced a smile kahit na wala talaga akong gana, it's my form of saying 'thank you'. Tinitigan ako ng mabuti ni Direk bago siya tumango.

"Alright. Janella, take a break. Gusto ko sa huling workshop mo bago tayo pumunta sa Japan, you're back to your old self," he tapped my shoulder. "Go out, unwind. I guess Elmo is right. You're stressed."

Nagpasalamat na lang ako sa kanila tapos pinauwi na rin nila ako agad. I told my mom that I need to unwind amd she gladly agreed.

"How about Subic Safari then Ocean Adventure? Russell haven't been there yet!"

Tumango agad ako. I just really need to relax and have some fun because I feel like I'm draining myself from all the crying and work.

The next day, maaga kaming umalis papunta sa destination namin. Napapangiti ako dahil excited na excited si Russell.

"I want to see the dolphins and tiger ate!" He jumped. I laughed and hugged him.

"They're excited to see Russell too." Pinisil ko ang pisngi niya.