Be Your Everything

t w e n t y f o u r

Someone Like You: First Heartbreak

Luke's Perspective

As we sit around the living room, I'm all too aware of the way that my hand is resting on Elle's thigh. She sits there, slaving away on her laptop as she tries to get a video ready to post before we get on the bus tonight to resume the American leg of the tour. Her attention is entirely focused on her computer, but I'm struggling to keep mine on the South Park episode that is currently on the TV and not her.

The closer we got to getting back on the road, the more nervous I got about the entire thing. Elle is going to be with us 24-7 for the rest of the tour. We can thank Baker for not really giving Elle much of a choice in the matter, but I'm selfish when it comes to her, and am secretly grateful that Elle will be with me on the road, whether or not it was her idea.

Even though we'll spend a good bit of that time on the bus with the rest of the guys, there's going to inevitably be times when she and I are left alone. It sounds great in theory, but then I remember that I'm not actually allowed to touch her, which kind of ruins it.

Unfortunately, that's not the worst of it. Elle might have to pretend in front of Ashton and Michael, but when given the chance, she's probably going to sneak off with Calum, not knowing that I want her to stay with me. She doesn't bring up her relationship with Calum, so I don't really know what is going on between them. All I do know is that as much as I love him, I hate Calum's guts when it comes to her. She cares for him the way I wish that she would for me but I, being the spineless idiot that I am, can't get myself to say any of this to her.

Michael left an hour ago to pick up dinner, and still had yet to return. I was almost glad that Kat got here right after Michael left, because Elle and I had to be in couple-mode with her around. She kept glancing at us between bouts of texting and watching the show, but I felt self-conscious when her eyes were on us.

Could she tell that Elle was just pretending? Or even worse, could she tell that I wasn't?

Elle rummages through her bag that is resting beside her before huffing in frustration and turning to me. I do my best to act casual and not let her know that I've been staring at her this entire time, but it's always hard to play it cool with those big green eyes locked on me.

"Hey babe, I forgot my camera in your car," she says before leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

"I'll miss you," I tell her honestly, but as per usual, she interprets my affection as part of a facade that doesn't actually exist. She smiles and stands up before walking towards the front door of the house, leaving Kat and I alone.

I looked over at Kat and saw an evil little grin on her face as she texted her friends while waiting for Michael to come back. That girl always knew how to see through my lies, and I tensed up at the thought of her knowing that my relationship with Elle wasn't real. Or rather, that it was one-sided. She glanced up at me with that knowing smile of hers and chuckled to herself.

"It's okay, I know she's not actually your girlfriend." Kat said in an effort to help me relax, but hearing someone say outloud that Elle wasn't truly mine made the realization that much harder to deal with. Kat's girl-powers seemed to sense this, because her smile dropped a moment after she said it. She set her phone down and looked at me curiously, "...and I know that you have feelings for her."

As soon as she said it, I knew she was right. At first, I felt weird about having to pretend to date Elle, since I didn't really know her beforehand. But the more I hung out with her, the more I realized I wasn't kissing her and holding her because I was obligated to, but because I wanted to have her close to me. It wasn't until we were alone that I was actually acting, pretending that I saw her as nothing more than a friend the way that she does with me. I know she doesn't return my feelings the way she pretends to when we're in public, so I'd accepted my place in the friendzone, savoring the moments when I can show her my true feelings without her realizing it.