Be Your Everything

f i f t y t w o

It's been three days since Calum and I had our fight and so far, I've done a great job of avoiding him and vice versa. Michael and I have joined forces in avoiding him, and I'm glad that this has given me a chance to bond with Michael. He doesn't smile as much as he normally would, but the times when he is cracking jokes, he seems to genuinely be enjoying himself. Plus, we can both avoid Heather together, which has already strengthened our friendship immensely.

"Why did you even bring Heather if you were going to hide from her the whole time?" I finally ask as we sit on our surfboards in the water. At first, I couldn't get him near a board, but when he learned that Heather was afraid of the ocean, he was more than happy to go surfing with me.

"She's a good distraction," Michael tells me, his mind clearly somewhere else. "Incredibly annoying, but a distraction nonetheless."

"I know how that is," I admit without thinking. Michael looks at me in surprise, and I mentally scold myself for saying too much.

"Are you and Luke okay?" He studies me as I consider how to answer. What I just said makes no sense based on what Michael knows, and I'm not sure how to backpedal out of this.

"I guess," I say unconvincingly and Michael gives me a look that says 'yeah right'.

"No offense, but you guys are the weirdest couple I've ever seen." He laughs as he looks between me and Luke, who's sitting up by the pool with Ashton, Clarke and Heather.

"He's my best friend," I tell him.

"Watch it," Michael threatens with a fake glare, "you're not stealing him from me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I promise between giggles. "But that's normal right? Aren't you supposed to be friends with the person you're dating?"

"Well, Kat's my best friend, but I also want to do dirty things to her every chance I get." Michael smiles momentarily, but his face falls as quickly as the smile appeared. "I mean, that's how it was before."

I want to ask him how he's handling the break up, but by the look on his face, I know better than to continue on the topic.

"What if I'm not attracted to Luke like that?" I ask suddenly. I'm not sure why I thought to ask Michael of all people, but he doesn't seem thrown by my question.

"You mean you don't love him," he offers, and I nod solemnly.

"Not the way he deserves."

. . . . .

Even though Michael never managed to stand up on his board, we had a great time out in the water. He's probably the person I know the least out of the band, and after spending a few hours with him, I feel like I've been missing out on a quality friendship.

"You could use some sunscreen," Michael chuckles and I look back at him in amusement.

"Speak for yourself!" I point to his pink shoulders and cheeks as we walk over to the pool where everyone else is sitting. Luke smiles when he sees me and waves me over, and I reluctantly walk to him. My talk with Michael made me feel even guiltier for stringing Luke along like this, but I'm honestly not sure what to do.

No matter what, Luke and I have to maintain a relationship in the public eye. As many times as I remind myself of this, I still can't help but see our dating as a chore whether it's real or not.

Why is it so hard for me to be happy with Luke?

"Babe," Luke says with a smile, "do you want to go for a walk?"