Be Your Everything

f o u r t y t h r e e

Someone Like You: Me and My Girls

As happy as I am to be home, I can't seem to shake the jetlag enough to enjoy my time back in Folly. It's already been two days, but I just don't have the energy to get out and do anything. I wish that I could pinpoint the source of my exhaustion, but I know it's really just a side-effect of missing Calum.

I mean... Luke.

Don't get me wrong, I really miss Luke. Of course I miss him...  He is my boyfriend after all... my real boyfriend. It's not for show anymore. I remind myself of this every day and yet, it still seems weird, foreign.

My thoughts aren't consumed by the way that my skin heats up when he touches me. I don't find myself wondering if he misses me. He's not the first thought that pops into my head in the morning, nor the person that I think of as I fall asleep. That position is filled by Calum.

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get the lying cheater out of my head. As much as I hate it, I think about Calum at every opportunity. But soon, my thoughts shift to the fact that he lied to me yet again. I am so stupid for wasting so much energy on his when I have a boyfriend waiting for me in Los Angeles.

I do miss Luke, but it's his company that I miss. I miss his smile and his hugs, but his lips or his scent. When we became a real couple, I thought it would solve all of my problems, but I'm more confused than ever.

I don't know what else to say. What do normal couples talk about? What they ate for lunch?

I am such an idiot! In what world did I think that bringing up Calum was a good idea? I know that Luke wants more than anything to act like Calum and I were never together, but I can't help but wonder about him. He's all I can think about, so it's beyond my strength to keep myself from asking about him.