ShadAmy How Can I Love You?

Tears Numb The Pain Chapter 56

Amy's POV

I was speechless. The blood coming from Shadow's back stopped midway through his story, and we transferred over to the guest bedroom. I sat on the bed still wearing my red dress and my hands still covered in the dried up blood. I didn't care though, listening to Shadow was way more important than getting myself clean up. I pulling my knees close to my chest and gazed over to Shadow who was lying down with his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. I didn't know how Shadow could do it. I started to cry when I heard what happened to Maria in the end, but Shadow? He just, blankly stared up at the ceiling and I didn't know how he was so unfazed. Because, from the way he was describing things, I was expecting at least silent tears.

"After that, I buried her at that very spot. Now every time I come back from a H.I.H mission, I visit her and tell her about my journey." Shadow said in a deep quiet voice.

I stared down at him and frowned. Something wasn't right with this situation. There's no way you can tell a story like what without mourning.

"Shadow..." I placed a hand over his chest. He looks over at me, startled at the actions. "You're allowed to do it in front of me, I won't judge."

His eyes flickered and abruptly sat up. He made a confused face that had a weird half grin. "What do you mean?"

I grabbed one of his hands and held it tightly. "You don't have to hide it Shadow. You can cry for once. It's okay." I said in a soothing voice.

Shadow's eyes widen and his mouth was ajar. I saw his eyes welling up with tears that should've fell a long time ago. He quickly lowered his head into my chest as I tried my best to comfort him. He wasn't sobbing like crazy, he was quietly sniffling and repeating the words "thank you" over and over again. I knew Shadow was in a world of hurt. No... Shadow was always hurting. It must be so hard to keep all this emotion balled up inside of you. After hearing his story though, it only made me want to protect him more and love him just as much as Maria. But at this point in time, I don't know if I should really be focus on love. Let's face the facts, Shadow fell in love with Maria for 6 years and perhaps Maria fell in love at the same time. As for me, I fell in love with Shadow in a couple of days. It didn't feel right for me to put myself out there for Shadow when he was still yearning for Maria. Only a year has past since Maria's death, it seriously wasn't right for me. Oh Shadow... I don't know how you truly feel about me, but I want you to take things at your own pace, so I'll stop rushing for your love. I decided that I wasn't going to be fixated on Shadow being my happily ever after, I just wanted to make sure Shadow was happy and was ready to move on at his own pace.

"I'll be here for you." I whispered to him. "I'll be here for you..."

---

I slowly woke up to the smell of something unfamiliar. I lazily opened my eyes and saw a patch of white and black fur in my face. I tried to stretched myself out but I felt something restraining my movement. I glanced over my shoulder to see Shadow's arm wrapped around me. I rapidly blinked a couple of times and looked up to see Shadow peacefully sleeping. It was nice to see Shadow calm after hearing everything about him. I softly smiled at him and closed my eyes once again, not risking the chance that Shadow might wake up if I'm caught. I then felt Shadow's arms squeeze me closer, making my nuzzle into his warm chest.

"Amy..." Shadow said in a sleepy voice.

I slowly moved my head up and saw Shadow's eyes were still close. He's sleep talking...

"Amy I..." He said again more quieter this time.

I knew what he was trying to say, and I really wanted him to say it to me but it seems like he was also restricting himself from saying those last two words. I slowly raised my hand up to his cheek and started petting it with my thumb.

"Shh..." I whispered. "I'll wait till you're ready."

Shadow remained silent as he nudges his head into my hand for comfort. I closed my eyes once again and drifted off to sleep. I'll wait for you to say those words to me...