He Never Knew (COMPLETED)

Chapter 13

It hurt.

But I couldn't do anything but act like I didn't see them, and that everything's normal and okay. Niyakap ko nang sobrang higpit si Clea nang makabalik ako sa hapagkainan. I wanted to cry right then and there, trust me, but I had to fight my tears dahil ayoko namang mag-eskandalo sa harap ng maraming tao. But I was glad my best friend already got my message.

Umupo kami sa mesang malayo sa mga tao. She got me a plate of rice and adobo, pero kaunti lang ang nilagay niya. Alam naman na niya kasing wala akong gana, at baka isuka ko lang 'yung pagkain kapag dinamihan ko. She got the perfect timing to ask questions nang magCR si Kristine. "Anong nangyari sa'yo? Nahanap mo ba siya? Okay lang ba siya? Ano?"

"He was having sex with Czarina," I said with a blank face. "Honestly, I don't know. Nakita ko lang sila, Czarina was on top of him and they were... kissing. Umalis na rin ako agad. Who knows what happened next?"

She looked as broken as I felt. "Okay ka lang? You liked him, right?"

I beamed at her, "Okay lang ako. Don't be ridiculous, nagulat lang naman ako. But it's really none of my business."

"You're a faker," she exclaimed.

"So is he," I muttered. I poked at my food with a spoon, trying to push myself to eat. But I couldn't do it. Wala talaga akong gana. "Maglalakad lang muna ako rito, Clea. Do me a favor and just eat this."

I stood up and left. For the first time in a very long time, I was pleased to be alone. Sure, the place is creepy, and there were a lot of stories about ghosts and other unearthly things in it, but right now, those stories didn't scare me. Wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi galit, sakit, at disappointment.

Galit ako kay Czarina sa mga ginagawa niya. Galit ako kay Kyle dahil hinahayaan niyang gawin ni Czarina ang mga bagay na hindi dapat gawin. And most importantly, galit ako sa sarili ko dahil naaapektuhan ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagtiwala ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nasasaktan ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagkagusto ako sa isang taong alam kong imposibleng magkagusto sa'kin.

I was right all along. I shouldn't have joined this stupid summer camp. I should've stayed at home, read books, and watched movies by myself. Hindi ko dapat hinayaan ang sarili kong mas mapalapit sa kaniya. Kung dumistansya ako una pa lang, edi sana hindi ko nararamdaman 'tong mga 'to.

As I was walking aimlessly in the dark, my phone began ringing. I reached out for it and when I saw who it was, agad ko itong in-end. I'll just have to make an excuse later on kung bakit 'di ko siya nasagot. Suddenly, out of nowhere, someone grabbed my arm. Believe it or not, hindi ako nagulat. "Map," his voice was hoarse, it was as if he spent his whole day yelling.

"How did you find me?" He looked stricken, and I have to admit, even I was startled at how hostile my voice came out.

"I... I was just walking around, looking for you. Tinatawagan kita pero 'di ka sumasagot. Okay ka lang ba?" My eyes landed on his lips, and even in the dark, I could still see how red and beautiful they were. But his lips reminded me of things I didn't want to be reminded of. Naalala ko kung paano siya hinalikan ni Czarina, at kung paano niya ito hinalikan pabalik. Naalala ko ang milyon-milyong rason kung bakit hinding-hindi niya ako magugustuhan.

"I'm fine," I muttered as I pulled my arm away from him. "Nag-eenjoy lang ako sa paglalakad kaya hindi ko nasagot tawag mo. Pasensya na. Ikaw ba? Sa'n ka nag-eenjoy nu'ng 'di mo sinagot mga tawag ko?"

There was a long pause. And then, while looking at the night sky, he spoke, "Natutulog ako nu'n. Sorry kung 'di ko nasagot. Kumain ka na ba?"

"Yeah, matutulog na rin ako. Good night, Kyle."

Nagsimula akong maglakad palayo, papunta sa direksyon kung nasaan ang cottage namin. "Ella?"

I stopped, but I didn't dare look back at him. "Yeah?"

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered, and left.

—

The next morning, I wanted nothing but to stay in. OA na kung OA pakinggan, pero after what I saw last night, nawalan na ako ng motivation sa summer camp na 'to. Gusto ko na lang umuwi. "Six days na lang, Ella. Ano, magmumukmok ka sa anim na araw na 'yun? Sayang naman ang pinunta mo rito sa Baguio."

"I don't care, Clea. Inaantok pa 'ko."

"Papuntahin ko kaya si Kyle dito, para siya ang kumaladkad sa'yo? Hmm, pwede, pwede." Kinuha niya ang cellphone ko, kaya naman agad din akong tumayo.

"Okay, okay. I'm up," sabi ko sabay hablot ng cellphone ko pabalik.

"Pupunta raw tayo sa strawberry fields, we're gonna pick up some strawberries then magta-tug of war daw. Sa may putikan daw, or something? Not sure."

"So?"

Napairap naman siya sa tanong ko. "What I'm trying to say is, may maganda ka bang suot diyan? Something that makes people say 'wow'? Something that can make Kyle say 'wow', na appropriate sa mga gagawin natin today."

"Para sa'n? Can't I just wear something comfortable? Like jeans and a sweatshirt? A red one, to match the strawberries, if you like."

She looked at me incredulously, "I can't believe this. Pero sige, magsuot ka ng jeans. Pero samahan mo ng red v-neck shirt. 'Yung luwa 'yung cleavage."

"Grabe! Gusto mo ba akong mamatay sa lamig?!"

"Wala akong pake, magsuot ka ng cardigan kung gusto mo. Basta kailangan luwa 'yang dede mo!"

Leche. Ano bang nakain ng kaibigan ko, bakit gan'to 'to? Wala na rin naman akong nagawa kundi sundin 'yung gusto niya. Todo takip nga ako sa dibdib ko, pero habang tumatagal, nasasanay na rin ako. Hindi naman din kasi sobrang luwa katulad ng sinasabi ni Clea, enough lang para may makitang guhit kahit paano.

Kumain kami ng almusal upon my request. Nagutom din kasi ako, dahil nga hindi ako kumain kagabi. After we ate and fixed ourselves, lumabas na kami ng cottage. Nagulat ako kasi nakita kong naghihintay si Kyle sa may mga halaman. Tumingin siya sa gawi namin pagkalabas namin, and then his eyes met mine. After a few seconds, nakita ko siyang tumingin sa dibdib ko. His ears turned pink as he looked away.

"Hi, Kuya," Kristine said grimly. Woah, ang sungit yata ni Kristine sa kapatid niya ngayon? Kanina habang kumakain at nagkekwentuhan kami, tawa siya nang tawa, tapos biglang nagshift mood niya nang makita si Kyle. Pati kaya si Kristine, galit sa kaniya? If that's the case, bakit?

"Good morning," he replied with a small smile.

"Where's your lovely Czarina?" Nagulat kaming lahat sa tinanong ni Kristine. Napatingin si Kyle sa'kin. Parang... guilty?

"What?"

Tinignan ko si Clea, and the answer was written all over her face. Sinabi niya kay Kristine 'yung kinwento ko kagabi. "I'm so sorry, beh. I was really angry last night, hindi ko napigilang ikwento," she whispered so that only I could hear what she was saying.

"Where were you last night? At dinner?"

"Sleeping," he responded, but he couldn't look straight in our eyes.

"With whom?" Kristine asked with a frown.

"Kristine, what the hell?"

"No, Kuya, what the hell?"

I can't watch this. "I forgot my phone, kunin ko lang," I announced and entered the silent cottage once again.