OC Reviews [now closed bc of personal issues]

Macska Aliuriophobia | Original Fandom | [ D- ]

Fandom: It centers around a species called PHOBIAS.

Just like their name phobias are born if a human has an irrational and/or execessive fear reaction. (they may be born like humans too, but not in this oc's case, so i won't expalin how)

Most phobias are able to shape-shifht into human (or human-like) forms in order to blend in with mankind.

They classify in a few categories, the most important ones beeing the UNIVERSAL-phobias (curently only 4).

That's fairly interesting, but I want to know more. Do they torment humans? How are they born as/like humans. What is their role in the story?

It's NOT unusual for a phobia to:

-have "stange" colored eyes (eg: red eyes would be considered perefectly normal)

-be able to shape-shift

-have some kind of "mistical/magical/dark/etc." power

-have a weapon

-make part of a clan

-kill or frighten people on a dayly basis

It's UNUSUAL for a phobia to:

-have strange hair

-have strange colred skin (only if they are water monsters)

-never have killed before

-be unknown

-have siblings (only if they were born like humans are born)

-have a well-defined age (they appear once someones goes "paranoid")

-be nice to humans

Please check your spelling.

Full Name: Macska Aliuriophobia

Gender:fem.

Species:Phobia

Phobia representative: The fear of black cats

Affiliation(s): Friday 13th crew, felines Clan

Appearance description: http://narutopotter2.deviantart.com/art/PHOBIA-project-Macska-Aliuriobhobia-624328381

Eye colour:purple

Hair colour:black

Skin color: white

You could also just say race, y'know.

Ears/Tail color: black

Personality:

General adjectives(flwas and good qualities): sassy,clever,fast,a bit impulsive,sometimes lazy,strong,nice to people she likes,a total jerk to people she dislikes

Sassy cats are way too common. Besides that the rest of them fairly work together, but I find with all these different traits she is very hard to envision.

Likes:her friends,eating meat,taking naps,the nature,staying outdors,sunny days

Liking her friends just makes sense and is not needed under her likes.

Dislikes:storms,bright colors,sweet food,mice,frogs,bugs

strenghts:Bad-luck magic

Please explain what this means.

weaknesses :she can't shift to fully-human form after an incident from the past

Nekooo. Also is that it? That's pretty Mary Sueish.

Back story: She was born into the feline clan, after someone got paranoid about black cats. She gained popularity among both humans and phobias very fast, becoming the seccond "head" of the feline clan. She's part of Taylor Triskaidekaphobia's(the fear of friday 13th) crew, where most of the phobias that can perform black magic are.

Due to the lack of information in the plot, I'm confused on how she is popular between humans and phobias. Becoming the head of something is a sign of a Mary Sue. I thought she performed bad-luck Magic.

In the past she could shift from human to black-cat and back, nowdays she can't. It happened afther she  tresspassed into the wolves territory. A werewolf chased her, so she shifted to cat-form to gain more speed. However during the chasing she came across a road. A car hit her as she was trying to shift back to human-form, so she got stuck like that(now,she can fully shift to black-cat, but the pic is the closest she can get to human-form).You may think she looks cute with the ears and tail, but she also has random fur growing on her body(especially her back), and her hair is genrally ticker and grows fasther on all of her body. She's verry insecure about it and ALAWAYS wears chlotes that hide most of her skin. Not a lot of people know about this, most phobias belive she choose to stay mostly in that form because it looks "cute".

Getting hit by a car doesn't make sense for her to get stuck. As someone who has been hit by a car (literally), I know she could only have organ issues and crushed ribs. I'm not sure how she just gets "stuck" cause a speeding vehicle hit her. And if she's so insecure about her hair, there are lots of ways to remove hair easily like waxing to the point that it shouldn't be a problem. It's a bummer that's her only insecurity.

She's pretty popular nowdays too.

That's definitely a Mary Sue trait.

Overall, the spelling in this really got me upset, please fix it. There was huge pieces missing in the plot, I'll list my questions below.
• How are the phobias created like humans? Like I get the birds and the bees but how is a phobia created?
• What are the phobias role in the story? I first assumed they were there to cause trouble because I had no info and just assumed, but now I'm just confused.
• What is the relationship between phobias and humans?
Next, a car crash shouldn't be able to keep her in one form, but if you found another reason as to why she is stuck, I'd be okay with the idea. It's a bummer that you only gave her one flaw, and it's really not a weakness. Her personality, and lack of weaknesses all equal a fate no one wants for a character.

Sue Rating: 85%

Originality rating: 20%

Interest grade: [ D- ]