OC Reviews [now closed bc of personal issues]

Velvet | Harry Potter | [ D ]

Oc made by: @jammatown919

Fandom:Harry Potter (any book she was there the whole time)

Name: Velvet

Gender:Female

Age: 17

Species: half witch half dragon hybrid

Whoa! Half witch, half dragon? How? I would change that to something less Mary Sueish, like a witch, giant hybrid, or a werewolf, because that honestly doesn't make sense for the world and is just overpowered in general.

Backstory: was born to wizard father and dragon empress, Sky. Father left when she and her twin sister Lilac were one month old. At 11 they went to Hogwarts like most others, and met Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Dragon empress?? What? It's okay for a original character to meet the Golden Trio, but to make her best friends with them defeats this best friend forever vibe the Golden Trio has.

Personality: quite timid, but the sorting hat saw a hidden bravery in her that she only unleashes on enemies. Hates bullies and will not put up with them. Believes that anyone is innocent until proven guilty.

Typical eh personality.

Hates it when her friends fight, but usually takes Hermione's side. (She was PISSED when Ron and Lavender started going out.)

No, no, no! Like I said earlier, she can be friends with them, but not best friends. Make her own "Golden Trio" with more original characters so she can create her own adventures, that may or may not be affected by the dangers at Hogwarts. Maybe she talks to the Golden Trio periodically, but it so Mary Sueish for her to be best friends.

House: Gryffindor

Abilities: can shift between human and dragon forms. Can fly. Can breathe fire after a long process in second year called burning week. Excellent night vision, though still hates the dark. Imperious curse doesn't work on her, nor any dragon.

In a different situation, like an original fandom about people who can shift into different animals, I would be like 'whoa, cool!', but this is not one of those cases. Why wouldn't imperious work on her (though kudos to you for actually naming a spell), is that in the actual lore?

Appearance: As a human, she has pale skin, naturally brown hair one streak dyed blue, her favorite color. As a dragon, her scales are blue

Dragon shifter in Harry Potter = Mary Sue. Nice touch with the blue streak in her hair, however. That's different for the time period, though it probably wouldn't phase any of the other students.

Likes: Professor Dumbledor, Professor McGonagall, care of magical creatures, owls, cats

Who doesn't love McGonagall?

Dislikes: pears, Professor Snape, Bellatrixe.

Weaknesses: hates the dark, deathly allergic to pears but only if consumed.

Allergic to pears a-okay.

Boyfriend: George Weasly

Oh god, no. I know it's fanfiction, but George Weasley? I cannot even begin to tell you how Mary Sueish this is. Make her date another oc, or a character that doesn't really get any book time, allowing you to give a new perspective to the character, but not an important main character. Not only is this overused, but he has his (correct me if I'm wrong) own girlfriend, and eventually he has a wife.

Extras: had a close relationship with Sirius Black, was in the 'Slug Club' or among Slughorn's favorites when he was teaching.

She can be in the 'Slug Club', but having a close relationship with Sirius Black just steals Harry's role. Find another person to be close too, or, like I've said before, make yourself a new role model or person to be close to. How would she even know him?

In the end, this character didn't grab my attention because she was just like the protagonist in so many other Harry Potter fanfics. Though she had some redeeming qualities, there just wasn't enough. This character needs some major improvements and changes. She could really become a character worth reading about if these changes were made. Fortunately for you, wattpad seems to like all these stereotypical same characters.

Sue rating: 85%

Originality Rating: 25%

Interest Grade: D