Change of Heart

Part 38- Memories

Maliq's P.O.V

{Maliq in mm}

This chapter was really emotional for me because it brought back memories of speaking with my cousin. He went through hell physically and emotionally with his father and brothers about his sexuality and is still broken from it all. I am always gonna be his supporter no matter what. 

I am done with all this shit yo! I know that if I was fuckin' with a girl shit would not be this difficult. I been through so much shit that I wonder how much more will I go through before a nigga finally breaks yo. 

I grew up poor and I know that ain't excuse for nun and I ain't finna use it as one but, when you poor and the one person that you love more than life is gone, that shit makes you empty bruh. I still remember er'thing from that day.

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"Yo Maliq the party gone be off the chain nigga so we gotta be there; them bitches gone be bad and I'm about to get me some pussy" Trey said. We be chillin' out at Ty's house just smokin' and playin' video games. 

I always found it hard to be around Ty cuz that nigga drive me crazy with how cute he is. I know they don't be into that gay shit and I hate myself for being different. After all, I saw how hard shit is on my big brother who be into dudes. I promised myself that comin' out was never an option.

I was never angry at him cuz he brave as fuck to come out . I always amazed at his strength; even though dad treated us like shit, especially him, he still treated me like his baby brother. He would give me dinner some evenings but my brother had to fend for himself. To make shit worse, that old fuck would make sure we ate at the same time cuz he figured I be savin' some food for my Malaki. 

If shit could not get real, the drama started to unfold when he started beatin' on us for no reason. Most of the time I would escape the whoopin' but not Malaki. I would always try to be on the watch when he went to bed so that Malaki could get something to eat. I stood at the stairs not knowing that dad was not in his room but was actually on to us and our little plan.

"Yo Maliq thanks for always having my back bro, I love you lil man" he said. I hugged him before we both headed for the stairs. 

"So you think yo smart huh nigga? You gone disrespect my order in my house? Nigga I told yo ass not to eat my stuff cuz you is a fag and I ain't got nothin' to do with that shit!" Dad was in a rage. 

"Dad he ain't eat nothin' all day and we a family! He tryina find a job but he just left high school" I tried to justify things but that was no use.

"Maliq don't sweat it bruh, just remember that I love you aight." Next thing I know is dad is on us whippin us both. He got done with me but kept beatin' the shit out my brother and for the first time I cried. 

"Dad stop! You done enough and I am gonna go to the cops and show em the bruises!" That got his attention and he stopped and looked at us both before he went up the stairs to his room. At seventeen, I thought I did well to defend my older brother who was nineteen. I took him to my room and helped him with the numerous welts and bruises. 

"Malaki imma go to the police yo cuz he can't be treatin us like this" I told my brother who was sitting on my bed as I was under the covers. He looked at me and shook his head.

"Naw Mal, I'm good. I need you to just get on his good side and quit worryin' about me cuz I found a place I am gonna go but I can't tell you shit right now. Go to sleep and we talk about it more." He was my best friend and when he said he found a place I was happy as fuck.

"Aight bro but you gone tell me tomorrow cuz I'm coming with you." 

"Naw you gotta stay here! Just remember I love you Mal, never forget that shit" he said.

"I love you too big bro" I told him. I don't know when sleep came but I woke up to the sound of my father screaming out in horror. I ran out of bed and down the stairs. I looked over at my dad from the bottom of the stairs as he stood by the coat hanger. He was stuck in his spot and I saw him fighting to hold his tears. I was scared because I did not know what to expect. I slowly made my way to where he stood and the image I saw glued me to my spot.

"Malaki" I called out. I ran over to my brother who was hanging from a cable cord in the coat closet. I felt my heart tear into pieces as I hugged my brother's lifeless body. My father called the cops and I just stood there in a daze. I don't remember anything after that because i was just in a trance. 

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These memories will never leave me, they made me turn into who I am and it ain't fair to other people. I know that the whole bullyin' shit with Kai was all cuz I was so mad that he was gay and still alive while my brother is dead. The main reason, he was so much like Malaki that it scared me into thinkin' he was a treat. 

I developed trust issues cuz the man that was to care for us fucked us up in the worse ways. Then I met Adrian; he was like no other and I knew I loved this nigga from the moment I saw him that night going to the park. I followed him and decided to try it out, to be brave like my brother and it worked. We got into it and I pushed my biggest fear aside and came out.

I know I go with the fuck boy facade but the real Maliq only got feelin's for Adrian. I was fucked up when Ty told me about the kiss and to be honest a nigga felt dissed and betrayed by the one person that said they would never do me wrong. 

I don't know why I blamed Kai and hit him, if it was the anger of knowin' my nigga wanted him or if it was the reminder of my brother who left me. Whatever the fuck it is, I am miserable as fuck right now cuz I love that nigga so much.

When he called, I never meant to be that harsh but, all that happened that night just came crashing back. Now I am tempted to call him and just tell him that I love him and I forgive him.

I got in the shower, just allowing the water to help me relax. I found myself gettin' hard just thinkin' about how much I miss seein' bae all naked and suckin' me off. I miss the sex we had the day of the melt down. I had him in this said shower wrapped around me while I slowly opened him up before fuckin' up his walls. 

The way he would moan or call my name when I touched his spot with the dick. How he kisses my lips and feels on my chest and abs. I miss how he always complimented my legs sayin' they turn him on.

I didn't even realize I was strokin' my dick until I felt my nut build up and I blasted it on the shower wall. I quickly washed off and got out then dressed. I was finna head to the store to get some shit when my phone rang and I saw it was Trey.

"Yo nigga you at home?" He sounded as if he was cryin', which is odd as fuck cuz the mofo don't be cryin' over nun.

"Just got in the car man, sup? you sound like someone stole yo ugly puppy." I joked.

"Maliq, Adrian is in the hospital" Trey said and my whole world stopped. I could not find words to speak. "Adriana found him in his room unconscious cuz he overdosed. The doctors don't think he finna make it overnight Mal. I'm sorry bro." I knew it was all my fault because I told him to kill himself; I was angry when I said that and hurt.

I hung up the phone and for the first time since my brother died, I replicated the scream of my father.

Okie dokes guys and gals. Been a while since I did a double update so please feel special lol. I hope you like this chapter and if you do like it then, VOTE and COMMENT. The next update will be coming soon.

Nuff Love!