Day after day I'm forced to just watch these kids suffer. I didn't think it would be that bad but it's nearly breaking me. I have finally found a sliver of strength left in me. Maybe it isn't a lot but I think I can make it out of the hole with it.
"Noah." I say from behind him. He's alone in his room. I knew he would because Avary took Falcon down to dinner.
"Hey Harper." He says trying to attempt casual. His voice is tight like his throat is closing.
"Your cousin died." I say and sit beside of him.
"You know maybe if this is what actually talking is, I don't know if I'm ready for this." Noah says quickly.
"One of my best childhood friends died." I say and look at Noah. "Maybe you were blood related to him and I'm not and that gives you more time and power to grieve and more of an accuse to treat me like crap. That gives you power above me but you know just as much as I that I lost just as much as you did." I didn't say it mean or rudely but blunt. I was honest and I don't know if that is exactly what I meant to get across but mostly I wanted him to know that I hurt to and he let it all out. Mostly focusing it on me while I sat here like a water balloon that was only supposed to have half a cup of water with nearly a gallon of it pushing in my walls.
"I know." Noah says nodding and looking forward like there was something keeping his attention.
"I hurt too." I whisper. It wasn't just because of Logan but I hadn't even let myself express what I felt because I had to watch Bianca and make sure she didn't break. I had to wait and see when or if Noah would ever come back. I had to make sure everybody else was okay.
"I know you do." Noah whispers to me and his hand somehow finds mine.
"You haven't seemed like it." I say softly.
"I know." He says. "And I'm sorry."
"I know you are, but that can't fix everything, Noah." I say.
"But there isn't a way to fix it is there? Because that's definitely how your acting. Can you at least tell me if I can do something because you are leaving it like an open book with the pages torn out." Noah says and he seems frustrated but he is trying not to show it.
"It's like a hole in the wall. You can't actually get it fixed but you can get that piece. I don't want to et a new piece though. You can cover up the whole and then nobody even remembers it's there." I tell him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Noah asks.
"I want to keep the hole in the wall. We can get some picture frames."
"So we are going to try and cover the hole." Noah says.
"Slowly. Yeah. We will try and cover the hole. If you want to." I shrug. Maybe he doesn't even want to make it right again.
"I'm sorry I left you." Even if I was the one who left he was the one who abandoned me. Maybe I was just being petty.
"I know you are but— I don't know." I shrug. "I guess I'm just happy you came back."
"How's your leg?" He asks suddenly. I haven't been asked or even talked about my leg at all for the longest time. I never talked about my truck surge or the time I spent in PT. I just never talked about it.
"It's okay." I say and pull up my leggings past my knee. The scar is still huge and circles my entire leg. "I guess. I don't really look at it much. Maybe it's the fact of just remembering everything. Everything. You know what everything mostly concluded of? Fire. Seeing my leg in front of me just— laying there like its been there for years. It was scary."
"I know." Noah says.
"I don't think you do though. You may have went through it, but it's like watching a movie. It can scare you but you don't feel what they feel. I could see my unattached leg but everything was blurry and I couldn't see right because I was losing blood like my leg was a faucet. Bianca had to tie a piece of fabric around my leg to stop the blood flow. Amaryllis got stuck in a car. She got stuck in the car and barely survived. She—"
"Stop." Noah says quietly. "Your breaking yourself."
He wasn't wrong I was shaking one of my hands just barely noticeable. I closed my eyes and leaned my head forward so my forehead barely touched Noah's chest.
"You can't break something that was never whole."
He seems hesitant, but he puts one of his hands around my shoulder and his head gently against the side of mine.
"But you can put it back together."
___________________________
MY LOVELIES!!!! SO I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON THESE UPDATES ARE SLOW BUT THIS BOOK IS ALMOST FINISHED😥 sorry you guys but I'm trying to focus on my main book rn that I'm getting far in and I'm really excited about publishing and printing some copies out then I'll put pictures
YOU ARE READING
Descendant (divergent fan fiction)
Fanfiction*Warning for spoilers of any of the books* After the war, Tris is still dead but what if she had a daughter first? And left Tobias as a single father? Well this is about Harper Nicole Eaton. I also am bringing Uriah back and if someone is supposed t...
