the switch up

24

February 22, 2017 (5 Weeks)

"Are you okay?" Harry asks me while we drive to Harry's best friends house. Tonight I was meeting Harry's good friend and although I was nervous it didn't compare to the nervousness I was feeling about my pregnancy.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" I ask speculating why he would ask me that. Was I not acting normal enough? Was I acting a certain way for him to assume I wasn't okay?

"You've just been acting different lately, I just want to make sure everything is okay," Harry tells me and I internalize my actions and what I have said. I pull conversations I had had with Harry at work and over text message but can't come up with a specific time I was acting what he called differently.

"Different how?" I ask him sitting up in my seat wanting to know what he deemed as different in my attitude. If I knew then I could fix it and adjust from there.

"I don't know, usually you would be super nervous about meeting my best friend but instead you are just quiet and not saying much. You are just acting a little different..." Harry explains and he is right. Normally I would be telling Harry that I was nervous and would be afraid that whoever I am meeting wouldn't like me but I hadn't brought that up once. It was probably due to the other things that were circulating my mind currently.

"I'm sorry... I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now." I say and begin to realize that I was being more quiet than normal. I wasn't the quiet type and Harry knew this, I guess I was just internalizing everything. I didn't usually do this but with this situation I was keeping to myself, I guess I had adopted the habit.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" He asks and I want to say yes. God did I want to just come out and tell him!

"Harry I've been acting differently because I am 5 weeks pregnant!" I breathe out heavily and stare over at Harry who is caught off guard by what I had just said.

"What?" He looks over at me while racing down the freeway.

"I'm pregnant Harry and I don't know if the baby is yours! Please forgive me it's not what you would expect!" I dramatically drop a tear that runs down my face because I am emotional.

"Madeline I can't believe you would do this! I thought you loved me!"

"How would you know that? You can't read my mind, I haven't told you that yet!" I slap a hand over my mouth and find my eyes more wide at this revelation.

"Yes, you have! Your pregnancy hormones are making you forget things!" Harry says as I grab him by the collar and smash my lips against his not caring that he was supposed to be driving.

"Madeline?" I'm snapped out of my imagination and turn my attention back to Harry who has a furrowed brow and unsure expression.

"Yeah?" I had forgotten what we were talking about in the first place and feel a little bad when I see him look a little worried.

"Do you want to talk about anything? Maybe get some things off your mind?" Harry puts the car in park as we sit in his friend's driveway. My mind and soul are screaming yes but the logical part of me is holding me down and telling me no.

"Umm..." I think about this option for a few seconds and decline it. I was about to meet his best friend and I couldn't have this hanging over his head right now. "No, I'm fine. I promise everything is fine."

We walk up to the contemporary modeled house and stand on the doormat while Harry rings the bell. I constantly look down and fiddle with the hem of my dress, something I did when I was nervous or had something that bothered me.