the switch up

44

August 4, 2017

"So where is your little bundle of joy?" Mocking eyes trace over my face while I stand in the little studio apartment that had scatters artwork and supplies everywhere.

"She's with Harry," I answer taking a seat on his unmade bed. The same bed I dominated him on as memories come and go. Paint is freshly coating little specks of his shirt and light washed jeans that are hanging off his hips. My gaze wanders to the black and white canvas he is working on, the eyes staring back looking familiar.

"So what brings you here? You know grown ups have to work too." Zayn says folding his arms and referring to the interruption I had caused him. I could tell Zayn was deep into his work from the way I had sat and knock relentlessly for two or three minutes.

"I wanna talk to you about something," I say taking in a deep breath. I had a basic idea of how this would go but I was hoping it wouldn't have to be the way I predicted. "And I am hoping you can put everything aside, including the baby."

"What?" Zayn slumps in posture and loosens his folded arms once I give him direct eye contact. I think he knew what I as going to say from the way I introduced it. It was something he didn't want to talk about from what is body language was telling me. He was closed off but it was something I needed to ration with him.

"You know that I am with Harry and things are getting more serious between us. I really love him Zayn, I don't know if I could have said that about anyone else." I say careful with my wording as I keep a concentrated gaze on him. Zayn's emotions were clear to read through his facial expressions and body language. "I want to be with him and for me to do that I need those papers signed."

"The only reason you are even with the guy is because you might be having his baby," Zayn tries but I shut him down from those thoughts. I hated when he assumed things he had no clue about if that thought was even remotely true it would be true to why I am still with Zayn.

"I think you are confusing Harry with you Zayn because that's the only reason we are together! Zayn I am ready to move on with my life. I'm not the same girl I was when I met you." I explain and see his face contort into more of a hurt expression as if I had shot him straight in the chest. I hated seeing people feel emotional pain but it was time we talked about the facts about this relationship.

"Madeline I still love you," Zayn blurts out surprising not only himself but also me. I knew Zayn had some sort of feelings for me but love? Love was a strong word and I didn't know he harbored that much inside about me.

"Zayn... you can't say stuff like that," I sigh when he takes a seat next to me. I inch away from the close proximity and ultimately decide to stand up and pace. I place my hands on my head and look at him with stress.

"Why not? I do Madeline! I know you want to tell me that us getting married is a mistake but to me, it isn't. When you left me in Vegas and I never heard from you, do you know how many times I hoped the knock on the door, was you? How many nights I wished you would come back and be with me?" He comes up behind me and runs his finger down the back of my arm causing me to turn around and come face to face with him.

"Zayn..." he tilts my chin up until my eyes meet his dark glassy ones that look into my soul. This is more emotion I had ever seen from Zayn.

The sadness is weaving through the space between us as he reached for me. He reaches for something he couldn't reach, me. The emotions are heavy and dragging us both down, like weights baring down a prisoner.

"I love you Madeline and I always have. You are the only good thing in my life. The one light I see at the end of the tunnel." Zayn goes to brush his hand against my cheek but I nudge him away. I back away from him and shake my head vigorously as if I am trying to shake out the words he spoke.

"I'm sorry Zayn but I don't love you." I say simply flicking my eyes back to his dark ones that harbor a hit from the blow I had just slapped him with.

Zayn's eyes are glassy and are ready at any second to crack from the wall of tears building in his eyes. The air is cold against me as I see his stature falter from my words alone. The words acted as fists that repeatedly broke him down as soon as they left my mouth.

"But I love you... what am I supposed to do to get you to stay? I want you to stay." Zayn pleads taking a stride towards me while I take steps back once again. I close my eyes to avoid making eye contact with Zayn who was emotionally breaking from my harsh sounding words.

"If you truly loved me you would let me go." I say a little more shaky then I had intended it. Zayn's face is contorted into an expression of pure desperation as he gives me pleading eyes.

The apartment becomes smaller as the walls cave in on the both of us. Everything becomes more suffocating in the small space that only seems to be getting smaller. Zayn runs a hand through his thick black hair and turns away to hide his tears that had finally built themselves high enough to fall.

"Sometimes you have to let the things you love the most go, to show them how much you love them." I say once I am back at his door with my hand twisting the knob. He doesn't look my way or even move way from the window to which he was hiding from me. Not a sound or voice is spoken to break the vulnerability of the silence. I turn to leave and close the door to leave Zayn to his thoughts, for him to reflect on what I had told him. The conversation had broke my heart knowing I had inflicted heartache on Zayn.

I never wanted to hurt anyone but lately that's all I have been doing.

N. Madeline shuts down Zayn after he tells her he loves her! Thoughts?