the switch up

25

February 25, 2017

"Madeline, I know I keep asking you this but I can't help it. You tell me you are okay but your body language is telling me a different story. Did I do something? Say something?" Harry's eyes are glowing in the dim lit room. We both sat on his couch and the majority of the evening I had been a little more quiet than usual. The only reason for this was because I didn't want to tell him about what was going on in my mind. I didn't want the secret to accidentally slip.

I heave in a breath and know that it was time to spill the beans on what I know. I was feeling so heavy right now and it was all because I was carrying around the weight of this secret. I was still trying to come to terms with it myself but I knew stewing over it and keeping it to myself wasn't helping anyone including myself.

The only person who knew about anything was Talia and even though I got a few things off my chest she harped on me about telling Harry. She told me that I would feel better if I could talk to him about all this and I knew she was right I was just afraid.

"No, it's nothing you've done I just have a lot going on right now." I start building up my courage to tell him the more questions he asked.

"Like what? Are you having second thoughts about us?" His eyes are masked over with worry and it hurts me the way he is looking at me. I didn't want him to feel this way, I never meant for him to think this way.

"No, Harry I love you. I love you more than anything else, well except for Panda Express because their orange chicken gets me every time but that's beside the point." I ramble and kick myself for doing so. I always did this when I got nervous, I had done it ever since I was little. "I don't want you to think that I don't love you or that I don't feel the same way about you anymore because it's not true."

"I love you too Madeline and that's why I am so worried about you. I can't help but think there is something going on that I don't know about but I don't know how to help unless you tell me what is going on." The tv is playing a perfect song to break the news to Harry and it almost feels like a movie. I know I shouldn't be thinking about this right now with such an important moment but I can't help but point it out.

"I've wanted to tell you but I am just so afraid, just thinking about telling you is terrifying me! I know it shouldn't but I can't help it Harry I am so scared!" I stress to him running my fingernails through my messy ponytail that is coming undone. "Holy shit..."

"Madeline you know you can tell me anything, nothing you could tell me would make me love you any less. I love you, Madeline! You can trust me." I avert my eyes down to my oversized striped tee shirt and think about what is growing inside me every second of every day. My palms are sweaty and I swallow the fear that is caught in my throat.

"Do you remember New Years eve night?" I ask bringing up where everything originated from. I wasn't going to tell him about Zayn just yet, I was going to keep that to myself until I felt like it was necessary.

"Yeah," He answers as I see the intrigue in his green eyes.

"Well..." I suck in a breath and blow it out shakily scared out of my mind to be telling him this. I was also thinking the pregnancy hormones were playing a large part of this as well. I normally wouldn't act like this and wasn't a super emotional person but with all my body changes I am sure my hormones are causing this. "Last week I was 4 weeks late Harry..."

"What?" He pushes his hair away from his face and furrows his brows as if he wasn't completely understanding what I was saying. So I try again.

"You know how I told you that I was going to the doctors for a wellness checkup last week?" I ask him backtracking a little to help him understand what I was trying to say.