Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet

Chapter 11

      Alfred was concerned when Batman arrived home with a large smear of red on his face. He was afraid that someone had punched him in the jaw and that he had started to bleed. Just to make sure, he walked up to Batman and rubbed his hand on the smeared cheek. It didn't continue to flow, so it wasn't blood. That meant that it had to be something artificially red. A marker? A bright piece of fruit? Lipstick? Who did Bruce know that wore lipstick? Alfred suddenly realized what was going on.
    "Master Bruce, you have some explaining to do," Alfred said, grinning cunningly.
       "Look, Joker was just thanking me for doing something nice for him, nothing more," Batman explained.
       "So he gave you a kiss?" Alfred asked, his grin becoming a smirk.
      "Joker's just crazy, okay?" Batman replied.
      "Crazy for you, maybe," Alfred added.
    "You really think so?" Batman asked, rubbing his neck.
        The butler only shook his head. Bruce had always acted young for his age, so it made sense why he would act like this about Joker. It was like a school-girl crush, except for the fact that Batman and Joker had known each other for 70 years. That made it almost sweeter. Still, that only made the fact that they were concealing their feelings from each other all the more annoying and agonizing. At this point, they really needed a push. Alfred didn't know what that would be, sadly.
          "I think I'm going to hit the sack. See you in the morning," Batman told the butler, turning and walking to his room.
          Bruce was lying. The second that he walked in his room, he pulled out his phone and went to his messages. Bruce usually got more emails in one day then most people got in a year, yet only his closest friends were allowed to text him. Tonight, he planned on texting Joker. He had given him $45 dollars after all, he had a right to know how he had spent it. He just hoped that he hadn't spent it on a gun or something. That would be one mistake that he would never be able to let slide.
  So, how did you use my $45? Bruce texted the Joker.
    That would ruin my next scheme ;) Joker replied.
     Bruce should've been worried about the fact that his money was being used for crime, but he was actually a bit giddy about Joker sending him a winky face. Winky faces were usually used for flirting, right? If not, then Bruce had been flirting wrong for years. Maybe it was supposed to be a sign that he really appreciated the gift. Then again, why wouldn't he? Maybe it was referencing the wink that he Batman after he had given him the kiss on the cheek. That was probably just wishful thinking. Oh well, one can dream.
.....
     Joker almost regretted sending that winky face. He also regretted giving Batman a kiss on the cheek. Both moves were basic instinct, but in order for his next scheme to work, Joker had to not become attached to Batman. Becoming attached had gotten Joker arrested in the first place. Joker doubted that Batman even gave a crap about Joker outside of work anyway. In the back of his mind, he knew this was false, but he would have to continue lying to himself to stop himself from feeling guilty about what he planning on doing. Villains didn't end up with heroes, no matter how much part of Joker wanted to. He got another text from Batman.
   Love you, the text read. Joker had a panic attack for a second. Batman had feelings for him? They both felt the same way and they were just too scared to admit it? Joker knew that this meant that he would have to scrap his original plan and start dating Batman instead. While Joker was making wedding plans, another text came in.
    I meant 'Loathe you", stupid autocorrect, this text read. Joker felt so angry that he threw his phone across the room. He had seriously been foolish enough to think that Batman would like him as more than an enemy. Then, Joker went from sulking to laughing in about ten seconds. To think that such a respected criminal had been misty eyed over a freaking text was hilarious. Joker stayed there laughing for longer than he should have.
.....
     Batman felt so dumb. He was so scared to tell Joker three words that he literally had to use the old autocorrect excuse. Not only was this the oldest trick in the book, but Bruce had actually programmed his personal phone to not have autocorrect. Bruce wasn't sure whether or not Joker knew this little detail, and he didn't know if he wanted him to know. Bruce leaned back on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling. If he ever shared his feelings for Joker, he should at least do it in person, and not like what a dorky teen would do. Besides, he couldn't use the stupid excuse. Then, a text came in from Joker this time.
        I wish I could have my kiss embrace with your face, Joker's text read. Batman's face lit up. Joker must've known about his lack of autocorrect! This meant that Joker thought that his insecurities were cute, and that meant the world to him. Not only that, but Joker actually liked him as well! Now they could be together...
   Oops, I meant to say fist, not kiss. I guess that means that autocorrect messing up must be contagious, Joker added to his original message. Oh, Joker was just making fun of him. Batman suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed. He had let some cheap poetry flood his senses. This didn't make him any better than a girl in the drama club. Batman put down his phone and sighed. What was happening to him? Nothing good, that was for sure.
Author's Note:
If this chapter seems disconnected from all of the others, then I apologize. I just really liked the idea of Batman and Joker sending wrong things with autocorrect. I guess it could also match the theme of social media (not really, I just wanted an excuse) Tehehe