Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet

Chapter 33

          Batman and Joker arrived at the karate demonstration and pulled out chairs in the third row. All of the other parents recognized the two. The fans moved their seats closer, and the overly professional parents scooted away. Joker waved to a few of each, which excited the fans and freaked out the professionals. Batman looked over to the group of children at the end of the room and searched for his son. He found Richard at the front of the group with a grin covering his face. There was a red belt wrapped around his waist, and he was the only child there with that honor. A few skinny teenagers had a brown belt, but they looked like they didn't even deserve it. Batman was considering whether he should bribe or beat up the instructor until Robin received the same belt.

           The instructor walked out to the middle of the room and started to talk about the physical benefits of karate or whatever. Joker watched the demonstration intently. Teaching children the art of violence seemed like something that should be promoted more often. Heck, they should be promoting crime to children! That would increase the number of criminals for sure! After all, Joker had a pretty great life, even though he wasn't allowed several states and countries. He wondered how Gotham's other villains were spending their day. It probably wasn't at a child's karate demonstration, that's for sure. The thought of King Kong or the Daleks doing anything like this made Joker chuckle. Batman looked over at his boyfriend and smiled, wondering what was so funny to him. Then, Richard walked to the front of the room, accompanied by someone holding two blocks of wood.

            "Richard Grayson will be showing his ability to break both of these blocks of wood," the instructor informed the audience. With a large inhale, Richard walked over to the other person and got into a readying stance. The person kneeled and held out the two boards, placing them on his knees. Richard raised his leg and kicked the boards, breaking both of them in one swift move. The audience clapped in a respectful manner. That is, except for Joker and Batman.

           "THAT'S MY BOY!" Batman yelled while Joker screamed in support. The instructor lowered and rolled his eyes. After that, Richard didn't stand out a lot after that. Batman received a message halfway through the demonstration that two females had escaped a Wal-Mart outside of Gotham City with as much robbed stuff as they could carry. The vigilante had a feeling that he knew who the two females were, but he knew that he would have to stop them, anyway. Still, he wanted to stay where he was at for his son. He figured that Barbara would blame him for Harley and Ivy running away with the stuff, so he leaned over to Joker.

          "Hey, J-Bird. Harley and Ivy just robbed Wal-Mart. Can you drive Robin home when the demonstration is done?" Batman whispered into his date's ear.

           "Sure, do you want me to drop him off with Bruce Wayne?" Joker asked in return.

          "Bruce Wayne's at work right now, just look after him at Wayne Manor. That, or you can leave him with Alfred. If he's not home, then just take him to your place."

           "Okay. Batsy?"

          "Yeah?"

      "If you catch Harley and Ivy, don't arrest them. Force them to pay or something, just don't hurt them."

       "Wait, are you only dating me so that I'll let all of your buddies get away with their crimes?"

     "No! I just think that there might be a way for the two of them to learn their lesson without going to jail. If you don't arrest them, I'll let you choose out my outfit for three days."

       "...Fine," Batman said before quietly leaving. He sighed, regretting the promise he made. The fact that he cared so much about Joker made him feel happy, but it might've made him more vulnerable in the process. Maybe Barbara was right, Joker could just be using him. No, Barbara was being insane. Batman had never been wrong! Joker was just concerned for his friends, Batman hoped.

.....

        Harley and Ivy ran as fast as they possibly could. It had been Harley's idea to take the eyeliner and lipstick, and that somehow spiraled into them taking anything they could get their hands on. Ivy had taken half of the plant seed section, while Harley had stolen a large amount of chocolates and stuffed animals. Harley was kicking anybody who seemed like they would stop them, with Ivy taking out everyone else with her plant powers. The cops were hot on their trail, shooting at their feet (not with bullets, but little beams of light landed at their toes). 'Pews' could be heard coming from the cops' mouths. Harley would've taken immense satisfaction with hitting them with a hammer, but alas, her hands were literally full.

            Suddenly, a dark figure landed at the two women's feet. Batman raised his head and narrowed his eyes. Ivy shot a vine at him, but he reflected it with a batarang, which he promptly threw at her. Harley leaped in front of the metal object and blocked it with a stuffed rabbit. This gave Batman a few seconds to grab each of the women by the arm. Each of them squirmed in disgust. Harley was attempting to remove the batarang in her rabbit with her teeth. Ivy was tempted to stab Batman in the back with an unexpected thorn, but she would never hear the end of it from her boss.

            "I've got 'em, guys. You can go back to the station," Batman said to the officers, who were turning around to leave.

            "We were just getting you and Joker the DVD, Batman. What's the big idea?" Ivy asked, glaring at the hero.

           "I'm going to give you two an opportunity to pay for all that stuff or return it. If not, I'll have to take you to the police and promptly have you arrested," Batman told the other two.

          "I only have ten bucks on me, and I don't think that'll be enough for all of these cuties," Harley said, looking down at the stuffed creatures in her hand.

          "Can't you give a few of them up?" Batman asked.

         "NEVER!" Harley yelled.

         "Okay, to the police station it is."

        "Fine, I'll give up the frog and the butterfly."

       "You can think about the others that you'll ditch while I escort you two back to the Wal-Mart."

         Harley frowned, but followed the dark knight to the store along with Ivy. Ivy hadn't brought any money with her, so she was intending to return the seeds and DVD. After all, she could easily create the plants and illegally download the movie. Still, that didn't make the walk of shame any less embarrassing. Oh well, it was better than taking a trip to Arkham. Batman forced them to pay, and the reluctant villainesses dragged their feet back to the lair. Harley held her stabbed rabbit and her big-eyed puppy in her arms, while Ivy carried a ginormous teddy bear that Harley had picked up on their second way through.

Author's Note:

Hey, remember when I thought that this story was practically over? Yeah, I was lying. Apparently I suck at figuring out when things should end, so hopefully you guys like this story enough that this is good news. In the meantime, I'll write as much as I please ;)