Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet

Chapter 40

Ivy crept outside of the manor, making sure that no one saw her. Harley had informed her that Joker was inside the manor already, and he should've unlocked the front door by now. The plan stated that she would create a knapsack with her plant powers and that she would smuggle as much food as she possibly could. After all, she could make her knapsack as big as she wanted, so she could get all of the food that she wanted. She watched the door for a little while inside a bush (that she was quite good friends with) before finally seeing the door unlock from the inside. As she approached the door, someone came up from behind and bumped into her.

"Barbara? What're you doing here?" Ivy asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," Barbara replied, raising her eyebrow.

"I'm a criminal, I go where I want."

"Yeah, well I'm a cop. There was a report of very loud music playing around this area, and someone assumed that it was a bunch of drunk teenagers. Seeing as how it was Wayne Manor though, I figured I would pop by and tell Batman to quiet down a bit."

"Oh, that would explain why you're in your uniform."

"The last time I saw you here, some stuff went down that I'm sure neither of us are proud of. I'm honestly surprised that you returned here."

"Trust me, I'm not here to get beaten up by Batman again."

"Then why are you here?"

"Uhh... I'm definitely not planning on stealing the resident's food."

"The way you phrased that makes it evident that you are. I'm not an idiot, Pamela."

"I never said that you were. Also, how do you know my real name?"

"Back at the office there's a file for every villain in Gotham. I know a lot more than just your name."

"Okay, you're freaking me out, so I'm just going to go... to their bathroom."

"Yeah, you're not getting into the manor while I'm here."

"Please, if you get to enter the manor without Bruce or Batman knowing, why can't I?"

"Did you just say Bruce or Batman?"

"Yeah. Why is that a big deal?"

"I'm not telling you if you don't already know."

"I'll tell you a secret that I know if you tell me the one you know."

"I'm not going to participate in gossip with a criminal."

"Why not? Do you not want to know a secret that could help you possibly capture a criminal?" Ivy knew that her secret would barely help Barbara, but she was willing to lie about anything if she could figure out what Barbara was going on about.

"N-no, you're just going to use the information that I tell you to cause chaos throughout Gotham."

"We could also crash someone else's date."

"Not funny, Pamela."

"I could give the police department a couple boxes of donuts. Cops like donuts, right?"

"Again, not funny."

"Well what would you want me to do to find out your secret?"

"Spend two months in Arkham Asylum to pay off all of the crimes that you've committed."

"More like one weekend."

"Your file begs to disagree."

"Fine, 5 days and I'll do your laundry. Better yet, I'll redecorate your house."

"That's it, you're going to the asylum anyway."

"Wait! My secret is that even though Joker loves Batman, he also has a secret crush on Bruce Wayne," Ivy confessed, panicking slightly. Barbara thought that it was a joke at first, but in hindsight, it kind of made sense. Barbara tried to hold in a laugh at the irony, but in the end she burst into laughter. Ivy started to feel angry. She hadn't been lying, and yet Barbara was treating her like something at the comedy club. Ivy crossed her arms and began to glare at the cop.

"I'm telling the truth, for your information," Ivy said matter-of-factly to Barbara.

"I wasn't laughing because I thought you were lying, it's because Bruce is Batman," Barbara said. Then, she realized what she had said and covered her mouth.

"Really? No wonder I've never seen them together."

"That wasn't what I meant. I was talking about another Bruce. Yeah, Bruce Lee."

"Bruce Lee's a martial artist that died in the 70's, commissioner."

"Bruce Lee Jr. is what I meant."

"Bruce Lee's children are named Brandon and Shannon."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Bane really likes Bruce Lee for some reason."

"Look, if you use the information that I just told you for some crime of your's, then I will make it my personal mission to keep you in Arkham until the day you die."

"I just feel bad for Joker. He's been feeling really bad about having feelings for both of them. I should tell him before he beats himself up about it some more."

"Don't you think we've interfered with their love life enough as it is?"

"He's my boss, though. Whatever affects him affects me as well."

"So we have a deal, you leave here and don't speak about tonight with anyone, got it?"

"How about I take just a little bit of food, and then I don't talk about this with anyone."

"Fine, but don't take any of their cookies, I learned that the hard way."

"Heh, sure thing. One more thing, Joker's romantic ballad was the source of the loud noise."

Barbara nodded, figuring that that was a reasonable answer. She hopped back into her police car, a large sigh escaping her mouth. She made sure that Ivy wasn't looking as she took out a box of donuts from her glove compartment. Sure, she was probably enforcing stereotypes, but her day of mystery solving and crime fighting had really made her hungry. Then, she got out of there before Batman saw Ivy and blamed her for it. As Barbara started to think about it, Ivy was probably the most bearable of the villains. She could be someone that was fun to hang out with on certain occasions, and that was more than what she could say for about 90% of the other villains. Ivy was far from being Barbara's friend, but they were close acquaintances. At least, Barbara assumed that they were. Chances were that she was just pretty desperate for a friend that was a girl.

Author's Note:
Okay, sorry for the abrupt chapter end, I'm really tired. On a higher note, we've reached 40 chapters! I'll probably stop at 50 at most, and since all of you seemed to like the idea of a one-off series, then that's what I'll plan on doing! Have a great day, guys!