Chapter 47

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Harley had been very excited when Joker and Bruce were bonding/flirting, and the kiss had really sealed the deal. She and a few other villains were squeeing when they could hear the distinctive sound of lips pressing into one another. The feeling wore off when Joker stormed off into his room with a combination of stress and anguish. Bruce remained inside the toilet paper closet until he quickly scurried away, trying desperately to wipe off red lipstick from his mouth. All of the villains who were a part of the prank sat for a while, trying to figure out what they possibly did wrong. Half an hour later, Joker stumbled down the stairs and to the kitchen.

"Where's the root beer, Harley?" Joker asked with bags under his eyes.

"We poured it down Clark Kent's chimney, remember?" Harley responded, worrying about her friend's safety.

"Well, what about the expired apple cider?"

"I threw it out! Why would you want to drink expired apple cider?"

"Because it's the closest thing to alcohol that we have in the PG wasteland!"

"There's other ways to deal with your problems other than expired drinks. We can talk things out if you like."

"Harley, the last time I tried to talk things out with someone, I cheated on my boyfriend!"

"Oh please, are you suggesting that you might become overwhelmed with the desire to dip me into a romantic kiss?"

"Bruce was the one who dipped me!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that because I was on the other side of a door! Besides, I'm not some Margot Robbie or Arleen Sorkin type who's totally infatuated with love for you."

"Are you seriously placing Suicide Squad Harley in the same category as Animated Series Harley?"

"I'm just trying to make you feel better!"

"By yelling at me?!"

"I don't want to yell at you! You're just not making an effort to be comforted."

"I'm a maniac, I don't deal with things how regular people do."

"Well, if you can't do things regularly, then don't scold me for doing the same thing!"

"Gah, why do you always have to be right?"

"I went to college to learn how to be always right. Certified therapist, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Whatever, I still don't know what to do about the whole Bruce and Batman thing."

"Hey, I might always be right, but you always have the last laugh. You always know what to do to have you end up on top. If you can survive countless numbers of horrible accidents, you can choose between a pretty boy and a man in a fursuit."

"Of course... I just need to see who's better suited for me. I need to, uh, set a trap!"

"If that helps your predicament, then go ahead," Harley said before turning to leave the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll place a tank of poisonous gas in Wayne Manor during lunchtime when they'll all be in the dining area, and when it goes off, the first person to escape will be the champion! The prize for the winner shall be my complete devotion!" Joker declared. Harley's smug grin turned into a fearful grimace. There were many things that could go wrong with this plan. One of the main issues was that one of the suitors could very well die. Also, what about the butler and the cute kid? What if they couldn't make it out? Harley turned back around to tell Joker her worries, but he had already fled to his office to plan out his masterful plan. Harley gulped with worry. She needed help from someone who could stop this plan from working. Luckily, she had the perfect trio in mind.

Harley went to her list of group chats and deleted "Closet Clan" and replaced it with "Life Savers", consisting of Harley, Catwoman, Robin, and Ivy. Harley figured that Robin could help since he knew the manor very well, seeing as how he lived there. Plus, this would give him a chance to, well, survive. Catwoman would also be useful, since she had dated both Batman and Bruce in the past. Also, she could sneak around places easily, which could give them information. And Ivy... that was just for fun. It totally wasn't because Ivy made her feel happy and wanted at all, and it wasn't because Ivy was generally a chill person that balanced out her own brand of craziness. It was probably because she had good ideas... no, that wasn't it. It was some reason that Harley didn't know yet. Catwoman and Robin got onto the group chat instantly.

Hey Harley, what's this about? Robin asked Harley with a text.

I deserve answers right meow! Catwoman responded back in classic cat pun fashion.

Joker just informed me that he has a plan to plant poisonous gas in Wayne Manor to see who will escape first. I want you guys to help me stop this, Harley told the other two.

Do you know why he's doing this? Robin asked.

Yeah, he doesn't know if he'd rather be with Bruce or Batman, so he's doing this to determine who's better, Harley answered.

What do you need us fur? Catwoman asked, still making cat puns.

Both of you have a lot of knowledge about the interior of Wayne Manor and how to stealthily receive information, so you can help me deploy the tank of gas before someone gets hurt, Harley told the two.

          Well, if it means helping save my family, then I'd be jazzed to help you! Robin replied. Even though he was texting, Harley could tell that he was making an adorable happy face.

            Meow meow, I'm in! Catwoman responded.

           Let's this show on the road, then! Harley texted excitedly.

Author's Note:
So sorry about the wait, last week I was at a summer camp with a strict "no internet" policy. You guys deserve more, so I'll try to go back to updating normally. Promise!

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