Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet

Chapter 22

Saturday finally arrived, and Joker couldn't be more excited. This time, Batman was going to be the one to pick Joker up, instead of the other way around. Batman was scared that he would captured again when he showed up at the lair's front door, but Joker had assured him via text that he would make sure that no one would hurt him. Joker had decided that the two would go to a karaoke bar, thinking that it would be the biggest surprise of the night. However, Batman had already come up with a surprise that would blow Joker away! After all, no one could top Batman.

Harley had spent the entire afternoon doing Joker's makeup, and it showed. For once, his lipstick wasn't entirely all over the place and messy. His white face powder had been redone so that his skin practically shone. Any person would be crazy to say that he didn't look a little cute (well, any person that didn't personally know him). Joker was sure that Batman would love how he looked. He liked how he looked every other day of the week, after all! The makeup job was probably one of Harley's best works. She was naturally very proud of it.

The young woman was going to ask Ivy what she thought, but the plant-crazed lady didn't seem to be anywhere. Harley just figured that her friend was out grocery shopping or something. She always made the best salads, so Harley hoped that was the answer. Still, she couldn't help but think about what the other options might be. Walgreens? A walk in the park? No, Ivy wouldn't go to the park without Harley. They always went together, it was practically part of their routine. Maybe it was just because Harley had made Joker her top priority.

Batman, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. He hadn't been on the first date, but that was probably because he knew that it would end in disaster, and that's how it was supposed to be. This time if it ended in disaster, Joker would be embarrassed that he ever started liking Batman, and Batman would spend the rest of the night yelling and crying into his pillow. Still, the dark knight was never one to back out of a confrontation. Humiliating himself was still better than not showing up at all.

While the hero was struggling with his tie, Alfred walked up, helping him tie it, like every other date. Batman rolled his eyes, but let his butler finish tying it anyway. At this point, it was a tradition. Alfred thought that Batman should've at least attempted to learn how to tie a tie, but other than that, he didn't mind doing it. It would still be nice if he learned to, though. If he can create a bat-kayak, then it shouldn't be hard to learn a simple skill.

"Are you excited for your date?" Alfred asked Batman.

"Pft, of course. Why wouldn't I be excited for a date with someone that I've been fighting for decades that may or may not be still evil? After all, I have such a great track record of dates in the past," Batman replied, beginning to sweat nervously.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, Master Wayne. You know more about Joker than you do about this house, it seems," Alfred reassured his surrogate son.

"Thanks, but that could make it worse! If I accidentally do or say the wrong thing, he'll assume that I don't care after all of the years that we've spent together. I can't take that type of heartbreak!"

"You've already told him that you love him, so it's a bit too late for him to assume that you don't care."

"I guess you're right, I just don't want to mess up the one shot that I might have of being with him."

"Knowing you two, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys weren't engaged by the end of the night."

"It's only our second date, Alfred, take it easy."

The butler chuckled at the response. The two then looked at each other and hugged. A single tear fell down Alfred's cheek, thinking about how proud he was of Bruce. Batman noticed the older man's sentiment and smiled. It was nice how much the butler cared. It almost seemed like too much at times. No matter how much he did, Batman appreciated every bit of care.

"Just make sure that Richard doesn't sneak into the cookie jar," Batman told Alfred.

"I put it on the top shelf," Alfred responded.

Batman nodded and headed to the Batcave to go get the Batmobile. He used his GPS to locate the Joker's lair, hoping that the traffic wouldn't make the trip there very long. Luckily, not a lot of other people were going on dates that night, so Batman got to Joker's lair in about 7 minutes. He wasn't sure if he wanted to walk to the front door or not, considering that this was the home of a group of villains and all. Then again, greeting the date at the door would be the gentlemanly thing to do, which gave Batman the guts to go pick Joker up at the door.

Harley happened to be the one who opened the door. The rest of the villains that were there stood around the door, trying not to make it obvious that they were there. Batman easily spotted them, but he had expected something like that to happen, so he didn't make a big deal about it. Instead, he tried to look mature, making sure that Harley wouldn't threaten to kill him. After all, Joker wouldn't try to do that same trick twice, right? Besides, Harley might've had the look of murder in her eyes, but that was probably because she didn't want anything to happen to her best friend. It was a detail that Batman had picked up after years of studying.

"Is Joker just about ready?" Batman asked.

"Hold on a minute, Mister. Bitsie Face has been preparing all afternoon for this date, I think you can wait a little bit longer," Harley scolded Batman, who hadn't meant to offend her.

"Sorry, I guess that I'm just a bit nervous for my date with... Bitsie Face," Batman replied.

"Hey, I'm the only one who gets to use that nickname!"

"Says who?"

"Says someone who has a weapon and isn't afraid to use it!"

"Bitsie Face wouldn't appreciate that, now would he?"

"I guess not, but I don't appreciate your lack of creativity."

"Well, I guess that I'll keep that in mind."

"Good. I think Bitsie's almost done, anyway."

Just as Harley said that, Joker walked out from his walk-in closet, wearing an outfit that he had spent the last hour picking out. Batman stared in awe at how Joker looked. Sure, he looked about the same every other day, but there seemed to be a glow that shone from him that made him look especially amazing. Not only that, but his confident smile was very attractive as well. His smile was replaced with an amazed look at the sight of Batman, which left the two staring at each other, with nobody moving from their spots. The other villains looked between the couple, either grinning or smirking. Since Batman and Joker weren't moving from their spots, Harley and Bane had to respectively move behind one of the two and push them closer until their faces were inches apart. Finally, Batman said something.

"So, are you ready to go?" he asked, gesturing to his car.

"Um, sure. I'll tell you where to go when we enter the vehicle, I guess," Joker answered, rolling on his feet. Batman smiled and took ahold of the clown's hand, making the Joker blush a little. The two then walked to the car, gazing into each other's eyes. The rest of the villains stared intensely at the two, making bets on whether the couple would smooch by the end of the night.

Author's Note:
Sorry for the frequent hiatuses, I genuinely try to update as much as possible! Also, if you guys were expecting some of the actual date in this chapter, then I apologize (sort of, this is my story after all). Hope you all like the chapter!