Joker watched through the Wayne's security cameras as The Mime crawled through the ventilation systems to reach the dining hall. Every once in a while he would glance over at the Bat Family eating their lunch, not because he was envious of their happiness, but because he was studying their eating patterns. The family looked so joyful and happy to be in each other's company... how disgusting. You see, as a villain, society already expected bad guys to not like anything nice and friendly, so this was Joker's way to embrace his stereotype. This is what the people want, right?
The Mime entered the giant chandelier and placed the gas tank inside it. Joker noticed that Batman wasn't at the table, which was a little concerning. It almost made Joker consider calling off the plan... almost. Chances were that Batman was just in the bathroom or something. This wasn't something that he needed to call off his magnificent plan. In fact, other than the little Batman bathroom thing, the plan was going perfectly. That is, until Robin told the rest of the family that he needed to go check on something in his room, so Joker followed his course, which wasn't to his room, but instead the ventilation system. Joker's eyes travelled back and forth from the Mime and Robin, who seemed to be nearing each other. After a few minutes of heading nearer to each other, they bumped into one another. Joker put his head closer to the sound system to hear what Robin was saying.
"Aha! The Mime! When I heard that there was an evil plan, I knew that Joker wasn't doing it on his own!" Robin excitedly told himself. The Mime didn't answer, seeing as how she was a mime.
"So, Ms. Mime, what evil thing do you have planned?" Robin asked. Mime shook her head, either implying that she couldn't speak or that she wasn't telling him.
"Uh, can you just reenact what you did? You know, like Pictionary?" Robin asked the Mime. Mime couldn't pass up a game of Pictionary, so she held up three fingers, signaling that it was three words. For the first word, she opened her mouth, put her fists next to it, and proceeded to close and open them. She also waved her arms like a wave. Robin guessed that this meant "gas." For the second word, Mime made the shape of a square with her hands, pointed to it, and then pursed her lips together and made her hands into gills. Robin connected this to a fish tank, which meant that the first two words were-
"GAS TANK? WHERE?" Robin asked frantically. Mime moved around like the little girl from the 'Chandelier' music video, so Robin pushed Mime away and crawled quickly to the top of the chandelier. There was a timer on the gas tank, and there were 30 seconds left. In a panic, Robin scooped up the tank and threw it deep into the ventilation system and hoped that Mime had escaped. Then, he crawled down to the end of the chandelier and started to yell warnings to his family.
"THERE'S A GAS TANK! WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE MANOR!" Robin yelled at his family. First, he hopped into Barbara and Bruce's arms and then ran with Alfred as fast as they could out of the manor. Gas started to fill the ventilation system and slowly crawl out into the manor. The family put their shirts over their noses and mouths and continued to run until they reached the large front door. On the way out, Bruce grabbed an extinguisher and sprayed the air for a few seconds before dropping the extinguisher and running outside. Bruce closed the doors behind him and flopped on the ground with the rest of his family. Everyone gasped for air desperately, letting the oxygen fill their lungs. Bruce looked over at his son and gave him a strong hug.
"Thank you for warning us, Dick. How did you find out about the attack?" Bruce asked his son.
"Harley informed me that Joker was planning an attack on the manor, and I figured that if anything sinister was going on, it would be going on in the ventilation system. Sure enough, the Mime was crawling around in there," Robin told his father. Bruce lowered his eyebrows.
"Why would Joker do something like this? He's my boyfriend," Bruce tried to rationalize.
"Apparently Joker was trying to choose between Bruce and Batman, and this was his way of doing so," Robin answered. Bruce was still taking this all in when Joker walked up behind him. Joker had a fake shocked look on his face, which became a real one when he saw the survivors. He looked around for Batman with the survivors, but he was nowhere to be seen. Joker was about to go check out the Batcave, but he was stopped by a few angry customers.
"Joker, did you do this?" Barbara asked Joker, lowering an eyebrow.
"N-no. Okay, well I planned this, but Mime was the one who went through it," Joker replied.
"Robin tells me that this was all because of some dumb love triangle, is this true?" Bruce asked, fury rising in him.
"A little, but I figured you all would get out safely. No matter, Batman has a built in gas mask in his cowl, he'll be fine. Right?" Joker responded.
"You do realize Batman doesn't always wear his mask," Bruce told Joker coldly.
"Why wouldn't he? Isn't he scared of things like this happening to him?"
"Believe it or not, Batman actually trusted you to not try to kill him. What a mistake that was."
"Wait a second, since when did he trust me? The last time I saw him, he was yelling at me about cereal!"
"He didn't want to! He's always had a hidden fondness for you, and it hurt him that this new relationship didn't change anything in your eyes."
"I love Batman more than anything! I was just messing with him with the food robbery, I never meant to hurt him!"
"Well, you did, and now you won't be able to apologize."
"What do you mean? Don't you think that he'll make it out?"
"I don't know, wouldn't he have gotten out by now if he could?"
"He's Batman, he can survive anything!"
"A poisonous gas might do it."
"B-but, I didn't think that he wouldn't make it out!"
"Actions have consequences, Joker."
"Why is karma suddenly striking me now? And why does it have to be like this? I never meant to hurt him!"
"Then why did you plant the gas tank in our home?"
"Because I wasn't thinking straight! I was confused and hurt..."
"So you took it out on us?"
"No! I mean, technically yes, but not because I hate you guys or anything! The only one of you guys that I hate is Ms. Gordon, but I didn't want to kill the love of my life because I didn't want to make a stupid decision. Now I finally have my answer, but it's too late."
"The answer to what?"
"To who I love. Batman, my heart and soul, and the man that I killed."
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Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet
Fanfiction(Lego Batjokes) The fact that Joker and Batman shared a romantic confession in front of a sunset was a good clue that the two had feelings for one another. This theory was only proven correct further when the Joker tells the public via Twitter that...
