Don't Believe Everything You Read On the Internet

Chapter 44

Ivy was pissed. She had witnessed Batman brutally tell off Joker, and yet a few days later Bruce tells Joker how much Batman misses him. Ugh. Ever since Barbara had told Ivy about Batman's identity, Bruce was all that she could see when she saw him. That wouldn't be a huge issue if Joker wasn't living in such a struggle of liking both of them. If Batman really loved Joker as much as he said, then why hadn't he told him his secret yet? She really wanted to complain about it to Harley, but if Barbara was trusting her to not tell anyone, then she wouldn't. Not because she cared about her feelings, she just didn't really want to be on the cops' bad side more than she already was.

Suddenly, Harley was now telling her about a "genius" plan on how to get Batman and Joker on good terms. Ivy wanted to go on a ranting spree on how this was an awful idea considering that they needed to work it out themselves, but she had to restrain herself because she just loved Harley so gosh dang much. It was completely obvious that Harley would never like her back, yet somehow that wasn't stopping Ivy. She was drawn to Harley's constant enthusiasm, and though it seemed cheesy, she thought that Harley's more analytical and smart side was super attractive. Speaking of Harley, she got a text from her at that moment.

Yo guys! Can you help me with this idea to get Jokey to confess his crush on Bruce to Bruce? Thanks XD, Harley texted a large group of villains, excluding Joker of course.

Of course, Harleen. That will show Batman! Bane sent back.

Fine, but only as long as we can all agree that Bruce Wayne is still the second best rich person in Gotham, Penguin sent, clearly salty.

Riddle me this, I'm in! Riddler (duh) sent.

I have been thinking of traps that will corrupt the minds of the people trapped. That is, only if you want them to confess their feelings in a closed environment... Scarecrow sent, who had thought too long about this.

Yes, we can freeze them in a closet! Mr. Freeze sent back to Scarecrow.

Screw it, I'm in, Harls, Ivy sent to the group chat, finally giving in.

So, that started the epic plan to get Bruce and Joker together. Ivy tried to stay out of it as much as possible. This seemed like the epitome of a bad idea, but that might've just been through the eyes of someone who knew Batman's identity. The temptation to tell Harley was starting to get to her, but she fought it. After all, Harley was having fun. Well, in a Harley type of way, which was a combination of craziness and girlishness. Still, it was kind of cute how much she cared. Kind of.

Hey guys, do you mind if I let some of the other villains in on the plan? Harley asked the group chat.

The more the merrier. Bane sent to Harley.

Oh please, those guys are losers, even by our standards, Scarecrow sent to the chat.

Riddle me this, if you had the option of having a small group of brainiacs, or a large group of idiots, which would you choose? Riddler asked.

That's not a riddle, that's a hypothetical question! Ivy sent to Riddler.

Look, I just think that they'll want to know what's going on in the lives of their boss and his boo(s), Harley cleared things out.

This is your group chat, girl, go ahead and do whatever you want. Well, not whatever you want. Don't touch my pets, Penguin sent back.

Aw, but they're so cute :( Harley sent to Penguin.

Harley, you can cool it with the emojis, Mr. Freeze sent back.

And you can chill it with the puns! Your Batman and Robin days are over! Scarecrow sent to Freeze, apparently not realizing that he himself made a pun. The chaos of the group chat continued on for hours until they agreed that this was a job for experienced villains only. You know, using your skills for things that really matter. They figured that they could go with Scarecrow's idea of trapping Joker and Bruce in a closet to sort out their issues in a seven minutes in heaven type of way. Afterwards, Batman would either get jealous and regain Joker's heart, or Bruce would start dating Joker instead. Sure, the idea was kind of cruel, but that's what villains do! Joker got a cute guy either way, so it's not like he would get angry.

          The toilet paper closet seemed like a good place to stick them, since it was fairly large and they could use the toilet paper rolls to make themselves comfy. They were pretty stocked up when it came to toilet paper anyway. Ivy seemed to be the only villain who wasn't going insane for the idea, but everyone else assumed it was because the last time she got involved with Joker's love life, things got messy. Harley was just happy that she was getting involved at all. Then again, it was probably just an act of devotion. Harley thought that this was.... sweet. She still wasn't sure how she felt about Ivy romantically.

          Okay guys, there's a light in the closet that has been flickering for a while, we could tell Bruce that he needs to fix it, Harley orchestrated.

           And we could tell Joker that he needs to hold the ladder! Mr. Freeze offered.

          How would that work in a closet where you can touch the ceiling already? Ivy asked.

          He could hold the tool box. In a way, this would make him seem like the alpha male for his affections! Riddler suggested, using fancy words to make up for his lack of riddles.

          Please, Joker can barely hold a toothpick, how would he hold a toolbox for a long period of time? Penguin asked.

          CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SASSY FOR TEN SECONDS SO THAT WE CAN GET THIS SORTED OUT? Harley asked, tired of Penguin's crap.

This went on for hours until they had finally devised the perfect plan.

Author's Note:
Okay, so I know that a lot of you might be angry about how some of the villains were represented in this chapter, but since a lot of the villains didn't really get any lines (not big ones anyway) I'm kind of going on how I assume they would act. Or, at least how I hope they would act. Knowing you guys, you probably won't mind, but I'll leave this here just in case.