Love and Desire(#5)

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Nadine


"Stop crying now, they're not worth your tears." Daddy comforted me. I just nodded then wiped my tears away even though they can't seem to stop. Inabala ko na lang din ang sarili ko sa pagtingin sa labas ng bintana.


Napagdesisyonan naming mag-ikot muna para hindi makita ni mommy ang natamo ko sa pakikipag-usap ko sa pamilya ni Kier. Ayoko naman na pati siya ay mapaaway dahil lang sa'akin. Nahihiya rin ako kay daddy pero mas pinili rin niyang hindi muna magkomento at tila ba naghihintay ng paliwanag ko. Pero ayoko. Ayoko munang pag-usapan lahat. Hindi pa ako handang ihayag sa kanya. Ayokong masaktan siya.


"I thought you can handle love." He broke the silence between us. "You're the smartest one, Nadine and I never thought you'll be like Lily too." He added. I bit my lower lip and bowed my head. My tears are starting to form again.


"Are you disappointed, Dad?" I asked with a low voice. He gave me sideway glances then slightly tapped my head.


"Of course not." He smiled a bit. I sighed in relief. "But I expected more on you." He honestly told me. I just faked a smile.


Alam ko naman 'yun, ramdam ko rin. Bata pa lang kami ay sa'akin na nakatuon ang atensyon nila dahil sa mga ginagawa ko. Nagawa nilang palakihin ang mga kapatid ko nang sila lang pero kinailangan nila akong hanapan ng yaya noon dahil sa kakulitan ko.


"So am I, daddy." I shook my head then sighed again. "Ayoko pong matulad kina ate at kuya pero parang doon din ang punta ko. I reserved myself so I won't have to cry when that love comes but it just happened unexpectedly, I really didn't see this coming." I honestly stated. It's my first time to have a heart to heart talk to my father and I know this is quite awkward but I really need someone to talk to right now.


"If only I can take your pain away, I would definitely do that." He told me as he points his finger on the air. A tear fell from my eyes but I immediately wiped it.


"Dad..."


"Just a little piece of advice baby, don't let others make a decision for you. Do it by yourself. You already know what is wrong from right and you're a smart lady." He said. I looked up to prevent another tear from falling.


"You're making me cry, daddy..."


"If you both need to talk, then talk. Remember what your mom and I told you before? We've wasted so many years hating each other where in fact, we just need closure. You're far better than us and I know you'll figure this out. You are my child and you will make things right." Buong kasiguraduhan niyang payo sa'akin.


Ang kaninang tinitimpi kong luha ay nagbagsakan na naman. Hagulgol ang ginawa ko dahil sa kabila ng palpak na nangyari sa pangarap ko, heto ang ama ko at handa pa ring suportahan ako.


"I'm always proud of you, Nadine. I raised and spoiled you in a way so you'll set high standards choosing a man. I expected my princess to search for a man that'll treat her like a queen. And I guess you just did." He shrugged. Tinakpan ko ang buong mukha ko gamit ang dalawang palad ko at nagpatuloy sa pag-iyak. Hinayaan niya lang naman ako.


"Kier isn't bad at all. But let him do his part on his family. If they don't want you, I'm sure he'll do a way. Walang ama ang matutuwa kapag nakikita niyang umiiyak at sinasaktan ang kanyang anak, Nadine." Huling sabi nito sa'akin bago ako yakapin.


"Daddy naman..."


-------


Tatlong araw pa lang ang lumilipas pagkatapos nang insidente sa babay nina Kier. I'm trying to be normal and laugh when one of my family cracked a joke but deep down in my heart, I still want to go back to Kier's house and talk to his family again. Hindi ako mapakali sa ilang araw na wala akong ginagawa dito habang siya ay hindi ko man lang malaman ang kalagayan niya.


I wanted to talk to my siblings but they keep on talking about how strong am I when I'm about to open my topic. Doon rin ako napanghihinayan ng loob.


"Hey lazy pig, you want to go and shop? Daddy's in-charge." Ate Lily just get in my room while raising her hands, showing three different cards and smiling from ear to ear. I just looked at her lazily and shook my head.


"I better stay here." I told her as I pulled my comforter, covering my whole body.


Narinig ko lang ang yapak niya palapit at hinila ng malakas ang aking kumot. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero ngumisi lang ito at napailing. Humalukipkip siya sa harapan ko at tinaas pa ang kilay nito.


"I got an information about him, how's that?" My eyes immediately landed on her. Waiting for another word. Tumawa siya at naglakad na palayo.


"Hey, what's about him?" My forehead creased. Pumwesto siya sa pintuan at bumaling ulit sa gawi ko.


"His doctor told me, he's already awake." Pambibitin niya sa'akin at bago pa ako makatanong ulit ay agad na siyang lumabas ng kwarto ko.


"He's awake..." Bulong ko sa sarili ko napaupo. Kusang tumulo ang luha ko st napatingin sa itaas.



------


"Kung malaman 'to ng mga magulang natin, talagang kukutusan kita." Banta sa'akin ni Ate Lily nang magpark siya sa haparan ng bahay nina Kier. Huminga ako ng malalim at tinignan ang kabuuan ng bahay.

Dito na kami dumiretso dala ng pagpapaawa ko at kinailangan ko pang umiyak para mapapayag lang si ate. Hindi nga lang alam ng mga ibang tao sa bahay namin dahil nagpaalam lang kaming magsho-shopping.


"Are you sure, he's there? Naku talaga, Nadine!" Sita niya ulit. Pinagmasdan namin ang buong bahay nang makita kong lumabas si Kiyana hawak ang cellphone at naglakad ito ng walang direksyon.


"Hindi ba siya 'yung walanghiyang sinasabi ni daddy? Teka nga at sasampalin---"


"Ate please, nagpunta ako rito para kay Kier. Hindi para maghiganti." Paalala ko. Napailing lang siya at may sinabi pero hindi ko masyadong narinig. Mabuti na rin lang at tinted ang sasakyan namin. She knew what they did except for mom.


"Oh? Ano pang ginagawa mo? Puntahan mo na. Susugod ako kapag inaway ka niya. Makikita mo." She gave me a serious look and I just nodded in response.


I took a breath again before getting off of her car. Nanlalamig ulit ang buong katawan ko dala ng kaba. I stood in front of their gate when Kiyana saw me. Her forehead knotted but she eventually walk towards me.


"I'm not here to have another fight. I just heard---"


"Goodness, I'm about to call you." She cut me off. Nabigla ako sa ibinungad niya dahil sa tono ng kanyang boses. Anong nangyari kay Kiyana?


Hindi ba ito galit sa'akin?


"I know I have to say sorry but heck, do you really love my brother?" She asked while looking directly at my eyes.


I smiled then nodded. "Really."


"Then you should do something, you have to take him back to your arms." May panggigigil niyang sabi. Nagtaka man ako at magtatanong na sana ng may lumabas sa main door ng bahay nila.


Si Kier na may benda pa sa kanyang hita at nakasaklay pa. Tumatawa na ito, kabaliktaran ng inaasahan kong magiging reaksyon niya.


"Bullshit." Kiyana whispered.


Napamura rin ako sa isipan ko sa nakita kong sumunod sa kanya. Hindi ko man ito kilala ay malakas ang loob kong hindi nila ito kadugo.


Lalo na't iba ang pagtitig niya kay Kier habang nagtatawanan silang dalawa. Questions started to run through my mind.


"That's Jillien."


It's just two words but heavy enough to make my heart feel numb for a minute.


Iisa lang naman ang kilala kong Jillien, ito ay ang ex-girlfriend ni Kier.


Anong ginagawa niya dito?