Amsterdam.

- Scared To Be Lonely -

I've been planning to write this one for an eternity, but the idea always seemed so cliche and I never knew how exactly to write it, but I couldn't keep procrastinating anymore... So, here it is. And before you ask, no I'm not planning on making a part two, for now you will have to settle with what you've got, even though I enjoyed writing sequels for two imagines I wrote a few weeks ago (: .Also, I used the Acoustic version because it seems so much more emotional and raw than the original, although I am absolutely in love with both. Which one do you prefer?

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Even when we know it's wrong, been somebody better for us all along.Tell me, how can we keep holding on?

Every relationship is beautiful in the beginning, whether it's friendship, romance, marriage, it always seems everlasting. It seems like the person you spend your time with seems so good for you, like a perfect match you finally found. The missing piece of the puzzle which fits perfectly into the empty part of you. Before that, you never knew you were half empty until that person arrived and showed you that he/she can make all of the bad parts of you disappear, and leave only the good sides. Until the problems start coming, and then the bad sides take over you and out of nowhere you find yourself throwing plates at him while you're screaming at each other at two a.m. because he came home late. Again. 

Sunday, 11:11 p.m.

You were never the type of girl who'd cry over a boy, no matter how serious the relationship was. You just thought that wasting your tears, time and energy on people who didn't want to be with you seemed pointless, until you found yourself sitting on the floor next to your bed, crying your heart out. Because of him. Second time that week. 

He told you you were annoying, that you bothered him too much with your questions about where he was and who he was with when actually you just wanted to hear about his day. Something you lately rarely talked about, and that worried you. You were positive he was having an affair behind your back and that made you feel stupid. You wanted to walk away, pack your belongings and leave him on his own a few times already, but something always pulled you back. Your love was stronger than your pride, although you knew it was wrong. You'd always tell yourself he wasn't worth it and talked bad about him whenever you were with your friends, but at the end of the day you would always come back to him. You were scared that you were losing yourself when at the same time you were losing him, but the first one scared you more. Losing your integrity, losing your pride, losing your opinion and independence was a definition of a nightmare for you, hence you tried to play it off like nothing was happening and move on. The constant fights were tiring, and they had been lasting for a while already, which made you feel like you were going in a circle (a never ending one). Always about the same things: his uninterested behavior and ignorance, his paranoid side, your "jealous" outbursts and anxiety issues. Even when you were with him you felt so alone lately and that bothered you a lot more than it should have. 

Anyway, after you cried for a good hour, you felt like you had no more tears to cry. You quickly wiped away the last few tears on your cheeks and hugged your knees. You were so done with him. He screamed at you for twenty minutes because you "invaded his privacy" by checking his phone. You would have never done it if he hadn't made you suspect he was cheating. You were trying to explain him how you deemed it was the only way because he was so secretive and so closed that you couldn't even talk to him, but after the altercation you just told him to go fuck himself and stomped to the bedroom. Not long after, you heard the door of the guest bedroom across slam shut and a few decorations from the room being thrown, probably at the wall, making them break into millions of pieces. 

He was furious. Not only at you, but at himself too. How could he let this happen? What happened to the once happy couple who couldn't take their eyes or hands off each other? When did you get the need to say those awful words to one another and break plates and glasses while trying to hurt the other one? He still loved you but it just wasn't it. That wasn't the Martijn from three years ago and that wasn't the (Y/N) from three years ago either. You were two different people trying to be the old yous, but with no use. Maybe the real love, the real affection was gone and all that was left was a habit? Maybe he just didn't want to be alone, he wanted affection and attention, and even though he received all of that from many, many girls (and boys) from around the world, he still held onto the last string of hope when it came to you. He was hurt, he was angry, he was sad, he was nervous and guilty, all at the same time, so breaking a few things at the dark guest room seemed like a pretty good idea. Even though he was in the dark and the only thing illuminating the room was the shine of the moon coming through the large glass windows, he targeted the most fragile things in the room, other than himself and threw them all around, making them break into tiny little pieces. 

In the meantime, you were packing your bags. You knew it was late and that you had nowhere to go at almost midnight, but you decided to leave early in the morning, after you get some sleep... if you sleep at all. Enough was enough, you were tired, broken and bruised; not from his hits because he never laid a hand on you, but emotionally scarred and beaten down by love, if you could call it that way. Suddenly, while you were in the closet grabbing the last few items of clothing, the heavy suitcase fell off the bed with a thump and scattered half of the clothes around the floor. 

-Fucking hell. - you groaned. - Things just keep getting worse. 

Martijn must've heard the sound of something heavy hitting the floor, so he walked out the now messy guest room and walked over to the bedroom you shared before all of the fights. Your door was slightly ajar, so you could hear his heavy breathing on the other side. He pondered whether or not to enter for a few moments because he was scared he would find you laying on the floor in the middle of the room, but when he finally did, the sight in front of him didn't make him any happier. - What are you doing? - his voice came out hoarse. 

Silence. 

-I asked you a question, (Y/N). - he tried not to sound too harsh,  but failed.

The silence treatment killed him on the inside so much that he finally broke down.

-Say something, please. - his eyes started tearing up and one little tear trickled down his red cheek. - Don't do this to me. 

At the sound of his weak voice you stopped dead in your tracks, trying to decipher whether or not that was really happening. You looked at him, and the sight shocked you. He looked weak, pale, tired and broken, fragile like a little child. At that moment you could've sworn there was no longer the twenty year old Martijn standing in front of you, but instead there stood a four or five year old child who had just found out his older sibling ate his chocolate bar or stole his favorite toy. 

-Martijn... - you couldn't even finish the sentence as his arms wrapped around you firmly, not letting you go. 

-I'm so sorry, please don't go... - he whispered while crying. - I made a mistake, I didn't mean any of that. 

-Shh, Martijn... it's okay. - you finally gave in and hugged him back, although not as firmly as he held you. 

-Promise me you won't go. You can't go. - you didn't know if he really meant it or was he just scared to be lonely. 

-I can't-

-Promise me. - he repeated. 

-I'm going to stay here tonight. Tomorrow, I don't know.