Amsterdam.

- Tired -

  "...Oh love, there's no need to hide
Just let me love you when your heart is tired  ..."

Martijn was getting more and more distant as time passed. He spent more time at the studio and in his bed and lesser time with you, his family and friends. He even ignored their phone calls and messages with expressed concerns and fears for his health condition. His Mama and Papa; Karin and Gerard, as you called them, began calling you, asking you if he was alright and if you could talk to him, but every time you would get closer to him, he would just say that he was too tired to talk and walk away to his sanctuary: the bedroom. 

It was okay for a week or two, you tried understanding, but you became tired and hurt, too, so one night you decided you should seriously talk about it or take a break from your relationship. You wondered if you or anyone had done anything to him that could possibly hurt him or make him think bad about that person, but you couldn't remember a moment in the past few months that could endanger your relationship. 

Tuesday, 09:54 p.m.

You were reading a book in the bedroom, since a cup of warm herbal tea and a Charlotte Brontë book could make everything right, though in this case, some of it. It was almost ten o'clock and Martijn still hadn't gotten off the uncomfortable chair in his home studio where he spent the last month. You tried concentrating on the passages from the book, but your mind was somewhere else: with your boyfriend. Just as you were about to close the book and head upstairs, you heard footsteps getting nearer. You sighed. 

This was going to be a long night. 

He had entered the bedroom and went straight to the bathroom which was directly connected to it, without even saying a simple 'hello'. You closed the book and put it on the bedside table, next to the almost empty tea cup, and waited for Martijn to come back to the bedroom. You heard the sound of the shower getting turned on, so you knew he was going to take a shower before he goes to bed. Fifteen minutes later, he re-entered the sleeping area in his pajamas which consisted of some old sweatpants and a T-shirt and with damp hair. He glanced at you quickly before turning away, but not quick enough that you don't see his red eyes. 

-Martijn? - you worriedly spoke. - What's wrong?

-Nothing. - he said, back turned to you, drying his hair with a towel. 

-Martijn, I know something's wrong, could you please just turn around?

Nothing. 

-Look, I know you're tired and everything, but you've been acting weird lately and I just wanna know if I had done something wrong. Your family, your friends, me, we're all getting worried, babe. - you spoke gently, so you wouldn't make him angry. Those days, you just didn't know how to treat him nor how to talk to him because every of your actions could only get him angry and hurt. 

He stopped drying his hair and dropped the towel to the floor, which, after all, was some kind of a reaction and that made you satisfied, but after you had heard sniffs and shuffling noises, you got worried again. - Babe? What's- 

He was crying. He turned around and tears started falling from his now grey eyes. He was upset, and hurt, and tired, and lonely and felt guilty, all at the same time. You jumped off the bed and ran into his arms, only this time you were holding him, not the other way around. You tried calming him down by running your hand up and down his back, whispering to him to calm down and that everything would be alright. After he had stopped sobbing and his grip around you loosened, you knew he was ready to talk it out. Seeing him like that was unusual for you, since you never saw him cry in front of you, instead he was the one who comforted you even though you rarely cried because of anything. 

-Sit down. - you lead him towards the edge of your bed. - Now tell me, what's wrong? - you caressed his cheek gently, wiping away the remained tears. 

-I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I really am. 

-Why have you distanced yourself from everybody? - you were patient and calm. - Did something happen?

-I just got caught up with everything recently. It's hard to be in this job, to be successful and stay humble and down to earth at the same time. My parents always taught me not to feel superior or more important than the others, and there are days when I feel just that. I'm ashamed. Then, I don't have any inspiration for making music. I feel as if I had lost my talent somehow, I can't create a good track. All of the tracks I've been working on these days have been absolute trash! I'm frustrated. - all throughout his explaining, you nodded your head understandingly. -I'm hurting you, (Y/N). All of you. And I hate myself for that. 

-What!? Martijn, that's not true. - the last few words shocked you. 

-It's true. (Y/N), you deserve somebody who can give you all of his attention, his time, and I can't give you that. Yes, I can give you all of the love I have, but... I can't show it to you, I don't know how. You deserve breakfasts in bed and early morning kisses instead of cold, empty beds. You deserve night walks and three a.m. drives around the city, not a boyfriend who doesn't even have a drivers licence and he's fucking 21. You deserve travelling around the world and not getting some gifts and souvenirs from my trips when I bring them to you because you have to stay at home. You need more. 

-Listen to me now very carefully Martijn Gerard Garritsen. - instead of getting emotional and teary, you got angry. - You are the most amazing boyfriend I have ever had in my life. You gave me everything, from love to security, passion, respect, trust and tenderness. And I don't give a fuck about your drivers licence because I don't want a car nor drives around the city if you're not in that car with me. You are a DJ, a producer, a superstar who makes people happy, and I couldn't be more proud of that. And when you leave... I know you'll come back to me, which makes the waiting even sweeter. I love you, and nothing's going to change that. 

He grabbed you by the waist and hugged you tightly, as if he was going to lose you if he lets go. -I love you so much. Thank you for always being there. 

-And Martijn... when you feel broken or stop loving yourself... just let me love you instead, until you start loving yourself again. Okay?

-Okay. 

-Now... what about your family?

-I feel as if I have disappointed them somehow. I've been feeling depressed and broken lately, so I ignored everybody else and shut off the world. I know it was wrong, but that was the only way to cope with it. 

-You're wrong, that's not coping with your problems at all. You were running away from them. - you explained. - Please don't do that again. Next time you have a problem, just talk to us. 

-Okay. I promise I will stop being such a baby. 

You giggled. - You're not a baby. Just go call them and tell them everything, they will understand. 

-I will, I'm going right now. 

He ran towards the studio where he had left his phone. The worse had passed and everything was back to normal again. 

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Another request done! 

Thank you for being patient and sweet again, and thank you for leaving your lovely comments under my books. Once again, I'm not taking any more requests so I hope you understand. 

Hope you like this one! Lots of love, 

-Dakota.