Family | n.s

f o r t y - s e v e n

Niall Horan

After the quite lunch were Harry basically ignored that I even exists  and the very awkward drive to the house, that Harry was refusing but the boys were not having it all. They had missed Harry like crazy and looking at their desperate-almost about to cry expressions,when Harry had got up at the end of the meal I realized how unfair I was being. I had basically created a distance between the boys and Harry. I was relived when Harry had agreed to come with us back home, 'only to drop them off' is what he had murmured and I was okay with that. I knew I have to apologize, beg him to take his job back - to take me back.

As I said, the drive was awkward to say the least. I wanted to say so much but I didn't wanted to do this infront of the kids incase it would turn into a screaming match. They unfortunately already had to bear with Nikki.

So, I focused on driving peeking at him through the rear view mirror. I felt worse when he had just followed right after I had adjusted Louis carseat jumping inside. He had then said he would like to hold Liam as the boy wanted his attention earlier.

I knew it was safe to have him hold Liam throughout the ride. I had faith in Harry and my driving skills that Liam wouldn't be hurt at all.

So for the rest of the ride I was peeking at him as he sat behind not once looking in front, his attention  roaming from window to Liam and then back again as they both chatted away.

I felt overwhelmed when it was time for him to leave.

I had grabbed his wrist in desperation just as he was about to walk through the door. He had turned around looking at me with hurt in his eyes, the emotion not leaving his eyes since I saw him first at the restaurant.

"Harry..." and he halted turning around, I left a sigh having no idea where should I start? But I knew if I didn't start speaking he would go.

"Th-thanks for - being there for us. For defending m-me back there."

"I told you earlier I was there only for them."he says curtly and my heart falters.

I wipe my sweaty hands on the side of my legs as I start, hoping he would forgive me. "Um - Thanks for being there for them, I appreciate it. You didn't have to. Nikki was over the top as always. I should have -" he cut my rambling and I looked up from my feet were I was looking as I went on and on

"Ni- I - I have to go"

I looked up, tears threatening to fall from my eyes but I didnt let them. I don't deserve to cry. I hurt him more.

I nodded my head shakily but started saying before he can turn around or take a step back. I wanted to mend things between us, I wanted us were we were before, happy.

"Ye-es, sure. I just, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you. I was shocked, panicked and scared. I was blaming myself - you were wonderful Harry. You took such a good - no great care of them. And even with -" I smiled but it vanished as he cut me off again, this time with anger.

"You never told me you had a wife" he said, his voice loud and deep as he shook his hand out of my grip.

"Hun?" I was dumbfounded as I looked at our parted hands and back at him.

"You never told me you were married! Never! I had no idea there was a Nikki! Or whatever the hell her name is. And after you so brutally kicked me out, I see you having lunch with her!"

He was shouting, failing his hands before roaming through his hair frustratedly. His words hit me, realization that he didn't know about Nikki, that I never told him, that how this all would have looked to him making me almost loose my footing as I lost my breathe.

"I - She wanted to meet. You know about what, you were there Harry. Look, I am sorry -" I started, pushing the urge to cry aside and instead focused on apologizing him, for doubting him when he had been nothing but wonderful. Amazing  especially after I got a reality check with Nikki.

"No, don't be. I get it. I seriously do! Who am I anyways? Just some nanny, right? It wasn't like we were a thing. Why would you tell me something so bloody important?!" he said stopping me and that was it. I had enough of him blaming me, I was feeling bad as it is and he didn't get it. He didn't get that Nikki was not a part of my life. Not worth to even mention.

"Because it wasn't important! Because she wasn't someone I thought was worth to be talked about. Harry, listen I am apologizing here for doubting you, I was a real douche. You have to understand me, it was all just panic. I thought I failed as a -"I started frantically, hoping he would understand me. Hoping he would get it.

But instead his next words made me heart break.

"Yes, you were a real douche bag Niall."

"Harry -" I went to try, to talk to him. To make him understand but he just stepped back shaking his head.

"I need to go --" he said not looking me in the eye.

"No,don't. I mean, I don't want you too. The twins missed you so much" I rushed forward, taking the boys name desperately, hoping he would stay. I will explain everything.

"And I missed them too. But I, too aren't I? I don't know anything. I am just stupid, lanky one."

"No, you're NOT" I whimpered, no he was  not. He is an angel, a life saver, a gorgeous, gorgeous human being that I started having feeling towards.

"Bye Niall" he said softly, broken making my heart dull before he slammed the door behind me.

"bye" I whispered defeatedly.

Harry Styles.

I stumbled on the street, my feet walking with their own mind leading me to a very familiar street. I entered the gate growing through the footpaths leading to her. I sat down infront of her. The yellow flowers placed infront of her name were shriveled. I brushed the sand off her name as a lump formed in my throat before I let it go.

The feeling of loneliness creeping inside my heart after a very long time

"Why doesn't anyone like me Mom? Why father doesn't like me?" I whispered, pulling my legs to my chest as tears began to fall harder.

"Niall hide such a thing from me, he doesn't trust me mum. He doesn't. I love him so much and he doesn't mum." I hiccups wiping my cheeks.

" You-you don't break heart of th-the person you love, right? You do-do-dont kicccck-kick them out, do you? He doesn't love me mum! "I cried, breaking down. I had so much pain, from my father, from Niall. I thought he would protect me. But he didn't. I don't deserve to be loved. Father was right.

"I wish you were with me now. I want to keep my head in your lap, I want you to make everything seem alright" wishing badly for her. I would give anything to lay my head on her lap again, for her to comb her fingers through my hair like she would as she taught me how to be a good person.

"I have nowhere to go mum. I am so in love with N-Niall" I cried, realization of my feelings for the single dad hitting me hard. His teary eyes roaming infront of me. I wanted to forgive him so badly but all I wanted to do was rush to my mom. Rush in her arms that I know, I couldn't.

"I hate myself so much"

***

I promise things will get better from here. This is becoming way too sad for me too. But you all can now understand Harry and where his emotions are coming from.

Thoughts on the chapter?

On the story so far?

Love.
Ri x