One Big Family

61. Strangers

She doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore
'Cause it's more intimate, than she thinks we should get
She doesn't look me in the eyes anymore
Too scared of what she'll see, somebody holding me

Lately Lauren is so distant with me, she comes over and we just sit there, not talking, nothing. She used to be all over me when we began whatever this was at this point. She stopped showing me the same loving attention so I showed it to someone else and she knows I do. We never 'dated' but we started something close to it. She used to kiss me and look me in my eyes after hours of having sex but now she just fucks me and leaves.

When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me

I can't even remember how it felt to hold her close to me, I barely touch her, she barely touches me. I used to wake up with her by my side but now it's empty space with just her scent.

Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

She sat me down and finally looked at me but what I saw was a blank look, she told me that we were growing apart and we didn't know anything about each other anymore but we have some physical connection that she can't get rid of, I didn't even want to reply, I didn't want to think about how happy we were and then I caught something for her and now she's ripping me apart.

She doesn't call me on the phone anymore
She's never listening, she says it's innocent
She doesn't let me have control anymore
I must've crossed a line, I must've lost my mind

She used to call me everyday or text me letting me know what she was doing and when she'd come over but now she just comes around and says hi then takes me to bed, if I talk I just watch as she spaces out. We used to take tens in bed but now she's the top and stays the top, she won't let me be dominant, taking some part of my confidence away. I think I ruined it when I caught feelings.

When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me

Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

She's told me she wants to fix things but how can we? I can't carry on feeling like she just wants me for my body, something she can come back and help her relax or chill out, my body is her drug, I can't keep feeling so helpless because of her.

I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed
I miss the memories replaying in my head
I miss the thought of a forever, you and me
But all you're missing is my body, oh

She used to cuddle her head into my neck and tell me about her day and rant about everybody that pissed her off and it almost seemed like we could end up together. We used to go everywhere together and never left each other's side, now we can't be in each other's company for more than an hour.

So we're not lovers (we're not lovers)
'Cause we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all (anything)
To feel anything at all
To feel anything at all

I have to stop this, I have to call her and tell her that I can't keep feeling so depressed because she's growing apart from me, I can't keep this 'fuck buddy' thing going. As I'm about to call her she turns up at my door and I can't stop this loop. We are each other's drugs but we can't never love each other the way we want.