Unspoken Feelings

She'll never understand

My bestfriend will never understand me.
She will never understand the other side of me.

She will never understand my sadness, and my drama.

She will never understand how screwed my mind is.

She will never understand my loneliness.

She will never understand even if I explain it to her.

She's different.

The opposite of me.

She's too jolly, and too kind for me.

I don't think she deserves a friend like me.

A friend who's been pretending all this time.

A friend who's always faking a smile just to not make her worry.

I'm a friend who joins my bestfriend's hobby and things that she likes just to make her happy.

I feel like I've been pretending all this time, I don't even share the things that's making me crazy to her.

Especially those things that is always depressing me and making me so sad.

'Cause I don't feel like sharing it to her, because I know it will only make her uncomfortable.

She tells me her secrets, but I just can't tell her mine.

And my curiosity is killing me now, are we really bestfriends?

Don't get me wrong, I love her, of course.

But there's just some things that I don't understand about her, and things that she won't understand about me.

Honestly, I don't even remember how both of us became bestfriends.

And now that she got some new friends, it scares me.

I'm scared that she'll like them more than me.

Because they're the 'always happy kind of people, just like her.

And I know she likes them so much, and I won't do anything against it.

It's okay.

But if in case she'll get to choose between me and them,

I'd let her choose them.

Because she don't deserve a weirdo,creepy, and a psycho bestfriend like me.